14 Date Ideas She’ll Love
We get lots of mail here at The Married Life, and we’ve noticed a clear trend over the past few months. The more time a couple spends dating, the happier and healthier the marriage seems to be. Now, admittedly there is a “chicken or egg” element to this equation. We don’t really know if the dating makes them happier, or if they date because they are so happy to begin with. But clearly, taking a couple who is having issues and letting them go out, relax, and have fun together is going to do wonders for the marriage morale.
Also, it’s fair to reveal that most women don’t think men like to date their wives. In fact, according to the mail we receive, most women believe that husbands like to do only three things:
1. Watch television
2. Have sex
3. Eat (food that someone else prepares)
We think there’s nothing wrong with that list of activities, but we’re also pretty confident that your list is a bit longer. However, to set you at ease, here are some activities that we’re NOT going to ask you to do with your wife.
• See an opera
• Spend an afternoon visiting antique stores
• Learn to swing dance
• Write her a poem
Sound good? Great, here go.
Go Wine Tasting
Did you know that every state in the continental United States has a least two wineries? Visiting a vineyard and tasting their wines is down-to-earth, sophisticated, sexy, rural, simple, and great fun. Having wine knowledge is not necessary, either. Most wineries consist of a farm with a little building to showcase the wine. There’s nothing fancy about it. You generally pay a small fee (like $4) and sample up to five to eight wines.
Here’s a website that organizes US wineries by state: www.allamericanwineries.com/AAWMain/locate.htm
Walk Through a Park
Park the car, put some cold drinks in a backpack, and stroll across your favorite park.
Go to a Ball Game (But not a game in which your child is playing)
We all live near some type of organized sports league, be it high school, college, minor league, or professional. The cost of tickets for most games beneath the professional level is very low, and even after you’ve added the cost of the peanuts and Cracker Jacks, it’s a relatively inexpensive way to hit the town. If you don’t already have a favorite team, flip a coin and make it your business to cheer them on.
Sing Karaoke
So many people are scared of karaoke. “I can’t sing,” they yell, BUT THAT’S THE POINT! Karaoke is for regular people who can’t sing to have a little sake, pick an old Beatles song, and let loose.
Shoot Billiards
There’s nothing mystical about this. Find a great joint with a pool table in your town. Search for one at www.citysearch.com. Grab your gal and rack ‘em. To add an extra level of interest, wager that whoever loses must cook dinner or give the other a 20-minute massage.
Go to a College Theater Production (But not a production in which your child isperforming)
The level of most college theater is good enough to pass the yawn test, and shows cover a wide range of styles, from Shakespeare to Broadway to avant garde, giving you lots of choices. Citysearch.com is a good resource.
Recreate Your First Date
This doesn’t have to be cheesy or overwrought. Just invite your wife to recreate your first date. You can take it as far as you like: Wear the same clothes chances are she remembers what you were both wearing). Pick her up or meet her at the same place. Eat the same meal, and try to remember what you thought about during that first evening together.
Visit a Bookstore Together
Today’s bookstores are date havens. Most have cafÈs with great coffee and pastries. They have chairs and couches for relaxing and reading, as well as thousands of books for browsing. To break your routine, agree to separate and reconvene in 30 minutes with three books that you think the other person would enjoy.
Listen to Live Music
Live music is one of the most available entertainment sources we have. Colleges have concerts. Cities have festivals. Bands that were hitting the charts when you were in high school still tour — playing the same songs! Many towns have small and thriving jazz scenes or rock clubs that allow you to hear unbelievable musicians for a $5 or $10 cover. The great thing with music clubs is that you can sit together holding hands, listening without talking, and leave whenever you like. Ticketmaster (www.ticketmaster.com) can show you the big concerts in your area.
Go for a Bike Ride and a Picnic
They are in the garage. They are dusty. They are rusty. The tires need air. Take a little time to oil the chain, throw some food and drinks in a backpack, and pedal yourself in the direction of the nearest park. Of course, many bike stores also rent if yours are beyond repair.
Enjoy Tapas
Tapas are small Spanish dishes that can be eaten as a snack or a full meal. The ingredients can be widely varied but often include things like olives, cheeses, ham, and breads. Picking, swapping, and discussing tapas is a great and unusual way to spend the evening.
Ride in a Glider
Talk about shaking things up! It has gotten relatively easy to use Google to find local glider trips. You and your wife can go up with a pilot and spend 45 minutes or so silently gliding through the sky.
Grab a Cup of Coffee and a Decadent Treat
So simple. So perfect. Coffee cafÈs are everywhere, and there’s no better way to spend a simple evening than drinking some coffee and having a rich, sweet treat.
(10 votes, average: 3.7 out of 5)
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18 Responses to “14 Date Ideas She’ll Love”
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This is great but how do you get thewm to go with you to do these thigs? I had this problem in my relationship of setting up to do things or saying lets do this and many times she would not go or she’d say not interested or at the last min cancel on me.
That can be the tough part. We used to get into arguments, or I would just get frustrated by proposing half a dozen different things to do and she would just say no, or she didn’t care, etc. Then we wouldn’t do anything and I’d pay for that.
Now, I don’t ask. I just make a decision, suggest what she wear, tell her whether or not the kids should go, what time we are leaving, and just go. It works much better. It turns out she didn’t like making those kinds of decisions. She has a pretty demanding life as it is, and having to evaluate options for leisure time is the straw that breaks the camel’s back.
Try it. Just pick something and go do it. Good luck
In response to Kerry:
As they say “Been there, Done that”. I understand completely what you’re going thru. I read down that list and I thought one by one, “I’ve tried that”. (except for the ball game thing) We will do a dinner with other couples, but alone? Maybe the diner for breakfast on a sunday mornings, but to dinner alone? I honestly can’t remember the last time we had a “dinner date” alone. I’ve tried to chalk it up to menopause, but I beleive it’s deeper than that. Depression? I don’t really know. We’ve been married for over 33 years, we have 5 kids. We’re not the most miserable couple nor the happiest. We have unfortunately become “roommates” I will not go into the intimacy stuff here, but suffice to say “What intimacy?” She has backed out on Michael Bouble at Radio City, Countless Bed & Breakfast weekends, A picnic? Nope, she thinks thats “gay”, Suggested we try the “Adirondack Express” a train from NYC to Montreal, CN along the scenic Hudson River and the Adirondack Mountains, past Lake Champlain, spend a weekend in Montreal. Nope, because her girlfriend rode on a train and said it was hot & uncomfortable (that was acros the western US in August) I think you get the point. It takes two. I’ve even gone for counselling, she refuses to go, even to hear the counsellor tell her anything I’ve said to her (I signed a release) No cooperation. I still love my wife, but for how much longer can I continue? I’m in my 50’s. Honestly, I don’t think there is any hope of change. I just have to be man enough to admit it.
TRying to see it from “her” point of view and honestly, I am DISAPPOINTED in all of your “women.” I am a 37 year old single woman and I have done several of these dates, but all of them sound fun! I adopted a child (on my own) last year and it has had a profound effect on my relationship. We both always wanted kids, but actaully having one has been a real change. What we discovered is a balance between us and “all of us.” is hard , but necessary. Sounds like some of your wives/girlfriends have given up. I am sorry for that. Sounds like counseling would help a lot. Would she see a counselor of her own? Just a suggestion.
Good luck!
The ballgame is a very good idea. My wife and I go to Boston for a weekend every year. Boston for us is a 2 hour drive for us. While there we see one game along and spend the rest of our time exploring the city. We’ve been doing this for the last 15 years and have yet to visit the same place twice except Fenway Park of course. Every year we have a great time. The most amazing thing is my wife doesn’t like baseball. She likes going to the game because of the festive atmosphere at the ballpark.
There were a couple of years that we couldn’t afford to do the whole weekend. So we made it into a day trip. We would get tickets to a night game and spend the afternoon walking around the city or taking in an attraction or 2.
I agree, all of those things do sound like they would be fun. I do like to go and do things, but I’m getting older and sometimes when I get off work, I have made so many decisions that I do not want to make one more. Not even as simple as “What do you want to eat?” Then I am also fatigued from being on my feet all day.
My husband and I have been married 26 years, and sometimes just sitting on opposite ends of the couch, rubbing each other’s feet is good enough for me! Lol, I do love how comfortable we are together, not having to do small talk, or talking non stop if we want. Sometimes it is just being so thankful for someone who loves me no matter what. I always feel that love from him.
I have noticed over the years, when I first get home, or when he sees me in the evening, he makes the kids leave us alone and he spends about 10-15 minutes just asking me about my day and what I did. A surgeon was telling us in the OR one day that he does this every evening with his wife and it just makes the world of difference. No kids, no phone, just her time as soon as he hits the door. I told my husband about this in passing because the way he told the story was so amusing, about a month later my husband and I were getting along so well. Lol, I then realized he had taken this Drs. advice and had snuck it in on me!
I think all of us, whether male or female, just want to feel like we are loved.
Kerry and Bill, at this point you need to make an appointment with your wife for a good talk. Ask her directly what is bothering her. Tell her you really want to have a more intimate and romantic marriage and you want to make her happy. Tell her she doesn’t seem happy and that is what you want for her. And now you don’t know what to do. Tell her you’re in this for the long haul and you married her for life. Tell her . And then ask her again. Honey, what is wrong? Why don’t you want to do these different things? Is there something else I should have been doing? Am I not listening enough? Do you feel unwell? Open the door for some serious and heavy communication.
Guys, it could be that she’s just one of those unusual women who hate dates and romantic stuff (which by the way, I think is a cover-up for some serious disappointments in the past) or it’s hormonal, or a depression, or maybe you’ve been a jerk all day and you’re trying to make up for your inattentiveness by slapping on this “date bandage” thinking that it will make it all go away. A woman doesn’t want to give herself, any of herself, to someone she feels hurt by.
So, you need to stop brushing off the ideas of dates and analyze what is really going on.
The dates are all terrific ideas but they’re meant for couples who are mostly healthy but need some helpful ideas. If your wives are dismissing your ideas and you are mistified, then you don’t have a healthy relationship because you are not communicating and you clearly don’t know your own wife. You need to get inside her head and find out what is wrong. When you start listening, I’m sure you’ll see things turn around. I suspect she’s got some deep wounds in there. Better be prepared to learn the truth and do some apologizing for missing some important cues and neglecting some major needs. Then be prepared to do some catch-up work. But trust me, guys, put the work into it, pay attention to her, and you’ll be very heartily rewarded in time.
This I know from experience and from several women friends that have experienced the same thing. They found themselves pulling away from their husbands because of unreconciled hurts.
Go talk to your wives, guys. God bless.
“I just make a decision…” THANK YOU JOHN! Somebody got it! “Take me on a date,” We just want to be swept off our feet, shown some love and attention. Let her know she looks hot, she may not know it. And it can be said tastefully.
Wow, those are some of the most romantic, exciting, sexiest words to me. I make so many decisions as a teacher, and my husband is Mr. “Content,” not a care in the world. However, when he does voice a preference, I make sure to always honor it, because it happens so rarely so I know it has some importance to him
Last fall we were having tough times, 18 yrs. and I was having an affair, (completely self-sacrificially on his part. I asked his permission). But a month later, I couldn’t end it when he said to. It was more than physical that could make me do this. I love my man with all my heart. So what was wrong with me? I FINALLY HAD SOMEONE I COULD LEAN ON. WITH HIM, THE WEIGHT OF MY WORLD WAS LIFTED FROM ME. I was the center of his universe. HE MADE ALL THE DECISIONS AND LIFE WAS TAKEN CARE OF FOR ME, to a point. When I knew my feelings were going the wrong direction, I BEGGED MY HUSBAND, CRYING, TO TAKE ME OUT. I’d have been happy with a walk around the block. HE QUIETLY DID NOTHING. NOTHING.
That was last fall, We’re back to two now, and steadily healing. MUCH BETTER!!!
When he does plan and take me somewhere – (HE HAS!!!) – , I sure take notice, and I’m walking taller, holding my head up higher, feeling prettier, or hotter, or sexier. And don’t be afraid to TELL HER EVERY GOOD THING ABOUT HER THAT POPS INTO YOUR HEAD, AND I AM SURE, IT WILL COME BACK TO YOU. Be genuine.
Thanks John.
My wife doesn’t seem to want to spend any time doing anything like that. The few times she has agreed to go to a concert (her musical choice), she complains about the money, or the show, seats, etc., etc.
How about an article on how to get your wife to get a clue about the efforts the husband is making to make the life better and not to complain about EVERYTHING.
There are way too many ideas to list! But the most important is for both husband and wife to set aside regularly-scheduled date time and not allow anything to interfere. For example, setting aside every Friday night would be a great idea. And then, I suggest taking turns planning the date, looking for something more creative than dinner and a movie, although that’s okay once in a while, too.
i haven’t even read the other responses but all i can tell you is that we did most of these things and she divorced me anyway. once a woman hits menopause there is no rhyme or reason to anything they think, do or say!
The 14 dates ideas are great and have openeed my eye to make my outings better. I hope my wife will enjoy it. takn long to be out with her but this day makes a difference as w experiment.
Thanks
Your 14 dates may be fine,but I cannot get my wife to go out on one date,much less 14.Most of the time she is too tired or does’nt feel like it,or we do’nt have the money.
Wayne,in your defense I’ve asked my husband when we will go on a date and his responses are just like the ones you get.I would like to go on a date with my husband. We both work all day and both of our boys play baseball.Basically our dates are from one baseball game to another. I also find it hard to have 14 dates.
I wouldn’t really try these things until you are both in a good mood. If she is really upset with you, then forcing yourselves to be together seems like a disaster.
For guys who can’t get their wives to go, I would take the time to ask her something about herself. Ask her about a childhood dream… or a favorite childhood friend. Get her to open up a little. If she starts complaining about someone or something then just take her side and agree with her.
After she is finally done talking, I bet she’ll be warmed up to a night out with you.
Very good suggestions! I want to suggest these to my husband, but maybe he has menopause? Anyone know? I want my marriage to be much better than what it is. So I guess I will try this now. Thank you.
my husband’s idea of a date night is showing up and eating a dinner i cook, then falling asleep shortly thereafter. he may talk, though it is mostly about himself.
i have made a box of surprise date cards so we can take turns at hosting new date ideas together, though he often doesn’t follow through with actually making the date happen.
his idea of intimacy is alternating between short periods of telling me i am his “fantasy woman” then not touching me for weeks on end, though out in public his head turns at almost every woman that walks by. i read once that eye contact with the opposite sex is often seen as an invitation, and he is very much into eye contact with women who are younger and attractive, very often with a big inviting smile. however, with me, he barely looks up when i try to talk with him. i caught him with several profiles on myspace, all which he lied about.
men…please tell me what you feel he is thinking…i am open to dating him, intimacy, new adventures. i am an attractive woman. i was never lacking for dates before we met, and after three kids at age 39 (one just 10 mos old) i have dieted & exercised and gotten back down to 121 lbs. he claims he is a great christian husband. but i feel i am pursuing him all of the time (at this point in a desperate attempt to keep things together) and he is often a host of complaints.
to make matters worse, he has a very overbearing mother (and father…and sister) who insist upon coming between us whenever possible. he never seems to have let go of his clingy, desperate, jealous mother, who has everyone thinking she is just a sweet old lady who only wants togetherness. when she gets the togetherness, she makes it a living nightmare for me and the kids, and we leave every visit feeling ill.
i have tried counselors. he is happy to go, but simply lies about the important details that matter and whitewashes over the problems, so i end up looking like i have this perfect husband in a great marriage, and they wonder what i am talking about…so i have given up on that approach.
oh, and he has a big anger problem…a “volcanic temper” as they call it, which comes out every several months, especially when the topic of his mother arises. i have learned to let it go out of fear of his explosions.
any insight would be so very appreciated. thank you.
ladies or men, just do what i did, my husband doesn;t like to go out much either, but last september we celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary.when he went to work i packed some bags and took my husband to the embassy suite for the weekend, he had no idea where we were heading, i told him we were going out to lunch.of course i was driving so i just kept going out of town until we arrived at our destination. i wined and dined my husband.and boy did we have a ball, you figure out the rest.if you want to surprise your spouse, just do it, they will be glad you did, believe me.