Comments on: Broken Promises: How to Recover and Trust Again

By: Doodee

Doodee — Sun, 03 Feb 2008 12:50:58 +0000

Thanks for sharing

By: Janie

Janie — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 14:25:52 +0000

Don’t read another book til you read ‘FORGIVE AND FORGET’ By Lewis Smeades. On amazon.com you can get it used for 1$ If you read this and if you can’t forgive then it is not possible. But it is. I promise this book will turn you around! It explores forgiveness from absolutely EVERY angle. Order this book today!!!!!!!!!!!!!Then pass it in to someone else. I plan to donate mine to our local library. Another is FORGIVE FOR GOOD by Fred Luskin. I struggled for 25 years and these books helped me. I guarantee there is something in these books that will turn you around. I could not read these without sobbing, my book pages are stained with the very tears I cried, mainly because I could not put the book down til I finished and my back was so tired I had to bend forwards and my tears dropped onto the pages.ORDER THESE TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

By: Janie

Janie — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 02:05:37 +0000

There are NO undo buttons, been looking for 25 years.Listen to this, folk have problems. Don’t waste time. Is your wife or husband still alive? Then theres still hope. After you finish reading this, as soon as! go and tell them how you feel about them. Do you still love them??Do you? After they are gone….dead…in the cold casket, their ears are no longer able to hear! There is no more sparkle in their eyes! The warmth has left their body! You can yell and scream all you want into that box but THEY WILL NEVER HEAR YOU! Don’t wait another minute! You might be surprized what this might do for you and yours!

By: Mica

Mica — Fri, 24 Aug 2007 18:31:54 +0000

I am going through a very painful divorce from a marriage of five years. I have serious issues with guilt due to an affair i’ve had. I’ve been reading several posts about holding on and getting through the tough times. I’ve been pondering reconciliation but only if all the cards are on the table, which would mean exposing my affair. every women i’ve talked to about this tells me not to tell my husband because he wouldn’t be able to handle the truth and therefore, never be able to forgive me. but isn’t that the right way to go? I find it hypocritical to expect him to be open and honest with me without telling him the truth about my own lies. I know two wrongs don’t make it right, but he has hurt me deeply in the past and the fact that I haven’t been able to forgive him ultimately led me astray.

By: mosley

mosley — Tue, 21 Aug 2007 22:33:19 +0000

Why does everyone think they all have to Forgive and Forget? or just Forgive?
HOGWASH!!! There is another option— Just move on.
Even though I cannot financially afford to leave, I’ve left in my heart. I still love him, and still live with him,
but the sweetness and trust is dissolved forever, just like a sugarcube in your coffee.
What kills me is all the women blaming themselves for, ‘what didnt’ I provide? what emotional/ physical needs did I not give him, that made him look outside the relationship?’ 3 shrinks, 4 doctors, and his mother all asked me “Why did he feel the need to look elsewhere’?”
After torturing myself for years, I can now say- He didn’t. He just did.
He had it all. He just wanted more.
‘m not letting him off the hook ‘for just being a man’ or being weak because sex is all too easy to find on the internet, or because there’s too many loose women. Again, why are we blaming it on other women!
As a friend of mine who recently lost her boyfriend to another woman who ’stole’ him said,
“well, I guess the point is… he couldn’t have been stolen, if he wasn’t stealable.”

He gambled it all.
He lost it all.
He now admits – it was entirely his choice. He wishes there was an ‘undo’ button.
It’s been nearly 4 years.
You don’t heal. You don’t ever feel right. You just… move… on.

By: Alex

Alex — Thu, 26 Jul 2007 05:30:02 +0000

In my case , I was the one that had an affair. I did not get caught. I told her about it. I had ahard time and still do have a hard time dealing with this everyday. I have my reasons why i did it. We were at a point in our lives where communication broke down.
She took me for granted and i felt like she didn’t love me anymore. I would even joke around with her about having an affair . In my own mind i was trying to tell her that i need more. But i didn’t know how. I was in a position where somone else was talking to me. She was there for me. Althought it does not justify what i did , i do have my reasons. I do consider myself a good father, a good provider. I did love her no matter what . She was asingle mom of 2 kids and it didn’t matter to me. I just knew she was the one the for me. Sympathy is not was i’m looking for. I was hoping for a reconcaliation with her. It’s not something that we sweep under the rug. We talked about it and i tried to be the best husband i could. I just failed miserably. But now i’m living in my own hell alone. I do have the kids and they keep alive .

By: linda

linda — Tue, 17 Jul 2007 09:33:12 +0000

i think there ia no justification for cheating onyour partner. you made a committment before God and man to abide and love so what has changed for one to seek love outside that committment. it is totally wrong. what about the affected spouse.would he take it if the other cheated instead. so there is no justification. cheaters should learn to respect a marriage bed and keep it holy. as for forgiven yes you can frogiven but very hard to forgot and any mistaken will always trigger the pain over and over again. it is very difficult to build broken trust i have been there before.

By: Carmi

Carmi — Fri, 13 Jul 2007 22:34:07 +0000

Hi Amy: I know exactly what u r going thru..I have always had to ask for affection, the hugs, the sex, the I Love You’s….I was always there for him as well and we only 1 child. I don’t know where I have found the strength, but I guess I would have to say in my son. It is for him, that I keep that smile and facade of happiness on my happiness, but my son makes my day….My husband doesn’t even talk to me unless spoken too. He still lives in the same house with me, while he has an apartment and he has told me for over 3 months, that tomorrow he is going or this weekend. He used to call me all the time from his old job, now I barely get a call from him. Sometimes, I feel the need to talk to him for he was my best friend and feel so betrayed and alone…I cannot see myself with anyone else, for we have been together for 15 years. Married 10. I do believe that GOD has a plan for us a very good one and we all need to just be strong, take it one step at a time…I say this now, but I have had my moments where I feel like I am mourning a loss. I feel like he died and most of the time, I cannot even look at him anymore…..He is a complete stranger to me. Sometimes I also notice that he doesn’t even have the strength to play with his own son. It’s bothersome. The pain and the hurt feels really bad….Amy, all i can say is that I know what u r going thru, but ur children r ur priority right now. I stayed home to raise our son, and cleaned and played house while he was galavanting online and at work and after work and god knows what else.

Hang in there amy…..

By: Barbara

Barbara — Fri, 13 Jul 2007 17:51:35 +0000

Advice for Amy [and anyone else who wants to read]: My husband and I went through the discovery of his affair a few years ago.

One of the absolute BEST self-help books I have ever read on how to get over an affair is, “Not Just Friends”, by Dr. Shirley Glass. She mentions several times that affairs can happen in really good marriages. She explains the slippery slope of unintentionally winding up in an affair, when the relationship merely started out as being friends. She talks about boundaries that you need to have in order to protect your primary relationship. She talks about how some men view themselves as being a “rescuer”. That was my husband. There are some striking similarities between his high school girlfriend, his wife [me], and his former mistress. All 3 of us needed to be rescued from very bad situations, or so it looked to him.

We both married very young and we thought that love was enough. We didn’t know that marriage required an enormous amount of work.

I cannot begin to tell you how much we have grown from this experience. When I emailed a very well-known therapist online about my situation, she told me that until I figured out why this situation was in my life, that I would not heal. She explained that everything happens in life for a reason.

While praying one day, I asked the Lord to tell me what I was supposed to learn from this experience. The answer shocked me – it was forgiveness. I thought I knew what forgiveness was. I have always thought of myself as a very forgiving person, but the discovery of my husband’s affair was the acid test. It has not been easy, but yes, I have forgiven him.

When I think of how close I came to completely destroying my entire family if I had made a permanent decision to end the marriage while in one of my many rages, it scares me half to death. The damage would have been horrendous.

IT TAKES A LOT OF TIME TO HEAL FROM SOMETHING LIKE THIS. PLEASE DON’T MAKE ANY RASH DECISIONS. [One therapist mentioned on his website that it can take between 2 - 4 years to get over something as shocking as an affair].

My husband and I will celebrate our 35th wedding anniversary soon. I am extremely grateful that I allowed myself to heal and get the help I needed. I was in therapy for many months, read countless books, and prayed a lot.

Here’s a quote from KeepYourMarriage.com [I'm sorry, I cannot remember the name of the therapist at that website]:

“. . .You and your mate both have important life lessons to learn from your relationship. That’s why you found each other – to learn those important life lessons. . . ., it’s no accident that you and your partner found each other. It wasn’t an accident, it wasn’t a mistake. It’s exactly what you needed to be pushed or kicked through the doorway of change–to get you to go to your next stage of growth and development.”

Now, how’s that for a different concept? I have never in my entire life thought that marrying the man that I did would help me grow and develop – that is, until now.

“This, too, shall pass.” The first time I saw my therapist, I told him that I never thought I would be able to be happy again in this life. I really believed that at the time. I now know that that is not true. I AM happy.

And YOU CAN, ONE DAY, BE HAPPY AGAIN, TOO.

It takes alot of work, alot of soul-searching, alot of introspection, but it can be done.
I am living proof.

By: Amy

Amy — Wed, 11 Jul 2007 19:03:28 +0000

I never would have thought for one moment htat I would be up here sharing the same hurt and sorrow with all of you. I have been married not even 2 years and I just gave him a baby not even 5 mos ago. I always stood by his side. Supported him and any decisions he choose to make. Im beautiful, smart, an awesome mother to my three children. I feel so shot down. Im just now finding all this out. He was creating dating profile saying he was divorced with children at home looking for someone to cook and clean for him all awhile im here like a fool. He said she meant nothing to him. He said he didnt even know her. He was not drunk. and ignored my calls while I was calling him over and over. Its so hard to even look at him and not feel sick. Ive been so upset and he just sits there like no biggy! He did this to us. It being so shocking is what hurt. Knowing that he didnt love me hurts the most. I still belive there was something more there to just a one nighter cause he didnt even use protection he said….after he came home and had unprotected with me….what if she has an STD??? How could he think so less of me? I feel as though I am the one fighting to make this work…Like I have to tell him what I need to hear from him….I dont feel loved. I feel so alone hurt and so ashamed I tried getting advice from friends we do want to go get help professionally with this but still the thought in the back of my head says “if he loved you he wouldnt have” and he is going to do this again…..Where do I find the streangth and stability when all Ive worked for, every memory feels like never happened it was all a lie….I do prey to god that this happened for a good reason…maybe hell realize now….I was the one who always had to beg for affection or intimacy…..how could he do this to me????Anyone have any advice for me?