Comments on: The Four Horsemen of Marital Apocalypse

By: jenny

jenny — Tue, 28 Aug 2007 06:14:36 +0000

The only thing I dont see is addressed is when only one spouse is providing the four horsemen. I tend to focus on an action, or specific incident that has upset me – and when this happens my spouse corrals the four horsemen against me. The only one I visit is stonewalling after my spouse unleashes 1,2 and 3 on me. So how do you get to fighting fair if its one sided?

By: Mrs. Montana

Mrs. Montana — Sat, 18 Aug 2007 13:30:55 +0000

This was a very good article. One thing that I observed about a former boss of mine was the stonewalling thing. When that is done to me I feel crazy. I feel like I have done something terribly wrong and that there is not hope for changing it. I despise this kind of thing. I have never been very good at it myself. The thing I have to watch is the criticism. It is bad stuff. It is easy for me to slip into, this was a modeled behavior to me for my growing up years. Once again, great article.

By: Victor

Victor — Sat, 18 Aug 2007 11:28:52 +0000

Thx, I have a better understanding of what I should not have done. Perhaps too late now, but hope the four will never come around again.

By: TK

TK — Sun, 12 Aug 2007 04:44:22 +0000

Article very informative, also scary. As a woman I am very sad & scared to know that the horsemen are pretty much all me. This is my 1st, my only marriage- divorce is not an option which is why i’d better straighten up!! Brian is a wonderful amazing man, he is so patient w/ me & loving- I know I am lucky. I am his ‘3rd times a charm’ marriage. At times baggage from those 2 come up, usually because I am pushing all buttons. Why do I do these things? The really sad thing is I know better, I have read & re-read enough self help books, I know all the signs of trouble & how to stay out of it , but don’t and I dont know why…
I am seeking help, counseling + learning on my own (sister told me about emarriage-thxs!).
Thanks all for sharing. Take care.

By: littletrishy

littletrishy — Wed, 08 Aug 2007 18:04:47 +0000

I just got done reading the article along with all the responses. It breaks my heart. I have been married for 4 years but it seems alot longer, and i’m not talking about in a good sense. We have both been guilty of the 4 horsemen along with cheating and a couple separations. The last time we separated and got back together I really tried to make it work. however I feel like all my efforts were for nothing. I have a hard time talking with my spouse for he is guilty of avoiding any conflicts we have, so they are never resolved. I am guilty of the name calling and not using I statements. It has gotten to the point that I feel as if I am living with a stranger, and I’m not even sure if I like him anymore…let alone love. Knowing this hurts me very deeply. In the beginning I could not believe how much I loved him or how much he loved me. It was the best relationship I had ever been in. He was the sweetest, most romantic man I had ever known. He was all I had ever dreamed about. But looking at him now I don’t see any of those things at all anymore. I have to admit we have both changed and I do not think there is any hope anymore in this marriage. I really wish I could wave a magic wand and take us back to how things were when we met, but that’s an impossibility and I know it. But this article will help me when I do move on into another relationship. But my question is this… How is it that we had let such a wonderfull relationship go to pot? What were the warning signs? And when is it too late to fix these things? I know that the resentments between my husband and I are too great to fix at this point, but where was the line and when did we cross over? Thank you and if you could send me literature on those questions with the answers I would appreciate it.

By: jennifer

jennifer — Tue, 07 Aug 2007 23:16:07 +0000

my husband and i are both guilty of the four horsemen.is there any possible way to save our marriage?we are at the moment seperated.

By: Mary Jo

Mary Jo — Sat, 14 Jul 2007 03:15:58 +0000

Hi! I am miserable and hate my marriage. I would rather live alone than be here with my husband at times. We have been married 22 years and have 2 teenage kids whom I love very much. I hate my life at times. I just want a good strong Christian man who loves spending time with his family and that is his priority. My husband is back slidden and would rather go out with his friends and to the bars than be with us. He acts like we have asked a terrible thing of him when we want him to spend time with us or with me. He doesn’t want to go out together with other couples (especially our Christian friends) but rather wants to go out alone with his friends (particularly a single divorced friend). At times I want to leave but don’t want to leave our kids, our home, or disrupt our lives, but this is the pits!

By: Carmel

Carmel — Wed, 20 Jun 2007 04:00:51 +0000

Very good article. Yes, the four “horsemen” severely damaged my marriage and emotionally he and I have separated. We still live in the same house with our son who is carefully walking the tightrope between us. He had the first three horsemen and I had the last two. I am getting help professionally. He goes to his mother.

By: Goodluck

Goodluck — Sat, 12 May 2007 15:41:46 +0000

It’s wonderful coming across this article. Though I’m yet to get married but your article has gone a long way to expose some of the reasons while people find marriage difficult. I appreciate your work and I look forward to getting more articles from you.

By: solomon

solomon — Sat, 12 May 2007 06:19:33 +0000

Very thought provoking article. I will be using them as right now I am going through problems. God bless.