Comments on: How to Give Her What She Needs

By: Hurt Guy

Hurt Guy — Sat, 18 Aug 2007 00:56:57 +0000

Where do I start..My wife told me she had an affair..but I already knew it and told her before she told me.At the time she denied it but a few days later she confessed. After she came from orlando from Juanita’s Bynum womens conference she moved out to stay with her parents because she couldn’t deal with me being upset and not trusting her.I have done everything right as a husband helped cook,clean,wash clothes you name it I did it and Loved it. But after 131/2 yrs of mariage and 3 boys…She did this….Her thing was that I caused it because I was not a provider. We have never been out on te streets I just didn’t stay long on a job I left everyone for a legtimate reason. She feels tht I can’t take care of our family and we have been struggling from day one..And she made her complaints about me to the guy she slept with……..was i not listening to her

By: heart tormented wife

heart tormented wife — Tue, 17 Jul 2007 16:01:19 +0000

men this article is so true…my husband states that i am the nagging wife,but what he sees as nagging is my way of trying to derive a response frm him or get some sort of reply,whether it be a discussion of interest or an arguement. I have been with this man since 17.He was military and went on several tours over seas. I am now 24. Lately he said he wanted a divorce,for a ton of reasons,nagging, im not thin and lanky like i was(i gained 20 lbs) etc…thats when i said im not walking out on this marriage and i refuse to give up..and he came forth and communicated that he had cheated the first yr of our marriage while overseas twod ays after i gave birth with some woman he met and chatted with 5 minutes int he streets and that is why he had blocked me out,guilt,and it was easier to find fault with me then look upon his own faults,its still difficult, i forgave him immediatley,that wasnt hard,it was the years of degradation and not listening and no communication that hurt. I dont know about other women, but i just wantto beheard,to be listened to,to feel like an equal and not some acquired household object that is meant to tend children and clean and cook,and to bring home a a way undersubstancial income compared to his. I want in depth conversations, interest into what i am doing, an inquiring spouse who loves to know about me ,who has love in his eyes, whose love grows and not wanes,and strokes my face before i sleep at night.I could care less about material and financial gain. men,im not saying u should worship ur wife, but take some attention from ur personal interests and work and show your wife some. It seriously does affect the marriage/

By: lady

lady — Mon, 16 Jul 2007 15:20:26 +0000

when i read this article, it was like reading a page out of my life. i would like to encourage the men in this forum to look at your wife when she talks. when i am talking to my husband, so many times he faces the other way, or he totally decides the conversation is over. and he will say- i am not talking about this anymore. and he just clams up. and he won’t let me say what i feel i need to say. that makes me feel so UNIMPORTANT, NOT NEEDED, NOT VALUED, NOT WANTED. like I MEAN NOTHING to him. it takes so little to give her a few minutes (****note: if you listen the first time, she won’t talk so long****), look her in the eyes when she talks, mirror back to her what she says. you don’t have to agree. it is ok to disagree. just let her know you heard her. that is what she wants.

By: Diana

Diana — Sat, 14 Jul 2007 18:46:17 +0000

I have read these articles and I related to all of them. It has been so hard for me in a 14 year marriage, there was no communication nor any of the kind. I lived with emptyness for awhile. I had divorced and afterward started another relationship been for 6 years. I’ve struggle with the same problems. OUr relationship has separated so many times and been trying to tell him what was going on, but he does try but not enough he would go back to being himself. We love each other so much, but I can’t get him to understand me. Been trying to let him know that conversation is so important in a relationship etc…. We go out and I have to start a topic or say something…. if not he won’t speak. He will always say that I don’t understand him, but I do and thats why I have stand by his side so long…………………. cause I understand an love him but enough is enough…………lost.

By: Randy

Randy — Wed, 11 Jul 2007 02:33:05 +0000

My wife of 25 years asked for a seperation just two weeks ago. In a letter she wrote to me she stated that I never had listened to her and that I had failed to communicate with her. She also stated that she was afraid to talk to me and express herself for fear of being mocked. I have never physically abused my wife and I really did not know that by not listening to her I was guilty of verbal abuse. I never mocked my wife when she did express herself, but I see now that at times I would tune her out and not really listen. I wrote her a letter and explained my short comings to her and expressed remorse for my actions. I am hoping that she will understand and give me another chance.

By: Donnie

Donnie — Wed, 06 Jun 2007 14:38:46 +0000

Here’s an issue for me: What if your wife wants to vent about YOU?

When she feels angry with me, the gloves come off. I have a really hard time listening to her criticize me, tear me apart, berate me, etc. I know it’s just a feeling, it will soon pass, I shouldn’t judge her by her emotions, and all that…but I’m a major “words of affirmation” guy. These negative words are damaging to my self-esteem and are extremely difficult to sit there and listen to. If I try to defend myself, it only ends up being worse.

Any advice about how to let her feel “heard” and not get emotionally trashed in the process?

Thanks!

By: Dave

Dave — Wed, 06 Jun 2007 13:48:13 +0000

Very good article. Finding TIME to communicate is always a challange.
I found that when we travel whether to a store or a long trip that there is nothing else to divert my attention from her and I am able to listen behind the words.
Many times I will bring up topics that I see in the NEWS or hear about on the radio. When I ask her opinion the discussion often times changes to other things that relate to her or our lives.
If I initiate communication with my wife first I find that not only am I not inconvienced, but it also shows that I am truly interested in her as a person. However, I still have trouble being caught off guard. I still at times give a snappy judgemental answer, then I have a lot of backtracking to do.

By: Ed

Ed — Sun, 03 Jun 2007 22:04:36 +0000

What if your wife wants to be listened to but won’t listen? What if you want to be understood but she spends all of her “listening” time formulating arguments against you rather than trying to understand and/or validate you?

By: Julius

Julius — Thu, 31 May 2007 11:45:23 +0000

i just read a Book on Psychology of Persuasion- Ilearnt a WIN/WIN principle of achieving your motives. Your write-up is verry accurate, was base on a proven experience. I have been greatly challenged by your powerful words. Iam always too inpatient to listen to “endless womanish comments” Iam much better by your document. Thanks.

By: Don

Don — Wed, 30 May 2007 06:25:55 +0000

C’mon fellows. Stand up, take a deep breath and act like men. Of course women like to be listened to,,, everybody likes to be listened to and treated with respect; that doesn’t mean though that you should become doormats. I believe that life is to short. If you act like a doormat you can bet that people will begin to treat you as such. Take a deep breath, pay attention to your surroundings and do what ‘you’ like.

I know that some folks will think “What the H###!” But if you don’t respect yourselves don’t expect others (including your wives) to.

Good luck & best wishes to all.