Comments on: She Wants More Sex Than He Does

By: Newlywed

Newlywed — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 20:01:10 +0000

I had no idea that sex would come to a screeching halt immediately after marriage. I feel deceived as I made it very clear that sex was important to me.

By: renee2luv

renee2luv — Wed, 16 Jan 2008 13:39:35 +0000

Does anyone have a relationship where neither one of you want to be intimate? My husband and I talk about it frequently but we never act on it. We are only intimate once every few months and it’s not that great even then. He says he’s attracted to me and wants to be with me and I tell him the same, but the truth is, I have no desire and I don’t think he does either. He’s a wonderful man, husband and father and I feel that I am a pretty good wife and mother. When I do feel a bit aroused usually once a month, I take care of myself. I am sure he takes care of his need occasionally too. He wasn’t very experienced when we married almost 9 years ago but I was. I lose interest once the newness is over. I don’t know what to do. We are more like room-mates these days that sleep in the same bed. I know that this is unhealthy for our marriage and eventually as our two boys grow up, our lack of affection will not be a good example for them. Does anyone have any suggestions?

By: sad too

sad too — Mon, 14 Jan 2008 05:15:17 +0000

i’m glad that i did find this blog. however, the most troubling thing i find is that my husband and i have sex a few times a year, but he still looks at girlie pictures on the internet. i tried deleting them, but he found out and just got more. now i feel sneaky constantly searching history on the computer and looking for unlabeled discs around the house. now ‘his problem’ has made me into a sad crying paranoid lunatic! i want to be held and loved and he thinks i’m too needy-same as everyone else i’ve read. i’m labeled as wanting too much or expecting too much or not satisfied with the way things are. i almost wish i didn’t have morals and had the ability to have an affair. I feel like i stood and took my vows, and so did he-but he wasn’t honest and now it’s been 10 years and because of ‘his problem’ i have no babies, i’m sad and weepy often and i can’t tell anyone about it. if there are any spouses male or female out there reading this, remember when you decided to stay with your mate-be it BF-GF, husband or wife, you made a commitment and all your problems and issues became each others. work with your partner and overcome obstacles. don’t work against each other.

By: Lovemyhusband

Lovemyhusband — Mon, 03 Sep 2007 22:20:00 +0000

Thank you Bob for the great advice! I wish my husband could have a little of your libido :p I guess I was really curious about this since my friend and I were talking and she said her husband wants sex right after they do it and she doesnt. I was thinking..why isnt my husband like him!! whats wrong haha.
I took your advice and tried to change our sex up a little bit. We lite some candles, played some music, and took it slow with forplay.. A few times it actually worked and I felt tired after sex for ONCE!haha. I noticed that I only get tired if its been a hot & sweaty night. Sadly the tiredness hasnt slowed me down and I still have this outrageous drive for sex. I feel for everyone else who is like me & desires more from their husbands! Bob, can I ask you what is Marathon sex? Is it having sex throughout the day on the weekend? I’m sorry that your wife isnt willing to fulfill your needs..I feel the same way you do sometimes, even though our situations are different. Can I recommend a book for the both of you? Sometimes some women just need to read things in order to get the picture. Have her read a book called *For Women only* by Shaunti Feldhahn and there is a book for you that goes with it called *For men only* by the same author. I read the book for Women only and it gave a lot of reasons why men need to have sex with their wife more often..surveys and all! it said that sex makes a man feel good about himself and gives him confidence for the next day. Best wishes!

By: Enjoyingmysexdrive

Enjoyingmysexdrive — Sun, 02 Sep 2007 15:54:58 +0000

Hi Folks,

This discussion is great. I too have a really high sex drive – at the moment. This is relatively new for me and I can certainly remember a time not too long ago when it was one of the last things that I wanted to do. I have been married for close to 20 years and through the years school, work, house work etc always made me feel tired and not in the mood. Then last year, for some strange reason, my libido went through the roof, I started fantasizing about other men, and I wanted to have sex all of the time. Along with this, came incredible energy and confidence. So my solution has been to have sex with my husband as often as possible where ever when ever he wants, continue to dwell on my delicious fantasies, flirt a little and enjoy those who flirt with me, and of course buy a rabbit. Serioulsy ladies, help yourself! Dont get too upset with guys who may be going through a tough time or don’t feel like it because before you are a wife/girlfriend/whatever you are an individual. Enjoy the feeling and don’t depend on that one other person to get you there.

By: Sugar

Sugar — Wed, 29 Aug 2007 18:43:37 +0000

I always had a high sex drive. Oddly, I believe my husband mislead me terribly. Before we were married he did not want to engage in sex because he said that when we have children, I want to be able to tell them that mommy and daddy waited to have sex until we were married. Honestly, what a hunk of crap. When we were married, the day of our wedding he could not engage in sex because he said he drank too much champagne. During the first few months, we had sex regularly but I became pregnant. He stated that he did not want to have sex during pregnancy. Now, I was even my first trimester, not showing and he still did not want to engage in sex. I thought, because I love him that I will respect his wishes because love is not impatient and selfish. To tell you the truth, I have been living a very unhappy, selfish miserable life with my husband. What do you think?

By: Helen

Helen — Thu, 23 Aug 2007 14:32:44 +0000

Rich H – thank you for some valuable insights. I’m in the same boat as all these ladies and am particularly saddened as I thought that marriage would mean that I could finally relax and get up to all sorts of mischief with my partner in the security of marriage. I now feel that I should have been much worse behaved before I got married.

Oddly, while it causes me pain, frustration and serious lack of confidence (and now that I really think about it, a sense of downright injustice. So many other men think I’m attractive. Why am I stuck with the one who doesn’t want to have sex with me? I’m convinvced things changed the very night I gave birth to our child), we have a good relationship and work well together. He also insists that he finds me attractive, but avoids sexual contact.

So I’m trying to fix it, but I can only take so much rejection. I never tell anyone this, but my plan B is stay married until our little girl finishes university in 18 years time and then get a divorse. But who knows, maybe by then I won’t care anymore or I’ve managed to fix things.

By: Louise

Louise — Tue, 21 Aug 2007 06:02:48 +0000

I cannot even begin to explain how close to home this hits and I didn’t realize there were so many women who share the same pain. Mine might not me on as grand of a scale and I’m not married but it hurts all the same. My bf and I have been together for over 3 years and we’re both 25, though we’ve known each other for about 10 years. I wasn’t a virgin when we got together, but he is my first love and the first person who brought a sex drive out of me that I didn’t know I had. I love him so much and I know he loves me but he has so much less desire than me. It wasn’t like that in the beginning. We were all over each other. I know he’s still passionate for me but it’s so much less than before and it gets so hard to take because I usually do most of the work. He does always makes sure I’m pleased, which is a plus….it’s just so much less than what I want. My main problem is that it’s always on his schedule and I’ve pretty much given up on initiating because he gets this look on his face like he’s disgusted and makes comments like “No way, not now” and such. I’ve tried to tell him that it would be easier to take if he assured me that it isn’t me and he is attracted to me-instead of acting grossed out. I’ll even say that he should just admit that he’s lazy (I honestly think that’s the case quite often). So then he’ll say it isn’t me, etc, but how long can you believe that when you’re constantly being rejected? He says he’s afraid to not want to because he knows how we will fight about it. I say i’m afraid to want to because I know I’ll be rejected. He also trys to tell me it’s normal for the sex to become more infrequent the longer the relationship. He’s had two other long term relationships and I’ve had none. Does that mean I should just believe him? I also feel like I jump at the chance when he wants to even if i’m not in the mood because i’m afraid of how long it will be until next time. This gives him all the power and that’s not fair. We still have sex about twice a week which I know sounds not too bad to most of you. Just keep in mind that we seriously did it so much more–at least 6-8 times a week the first year. It’s not so much about the diminishing number as it is about feeling unwanted and disgusting to him. Also, I’m about 5-10 lbs heavier and he’s 20-25 heavier…for those of you who think that may have some bearing. Thank you to all the men for their perspectives and thank you to all the women who aren’t afraid to share! Any other comments that will help me rest easier would be greatly appreciated.

By: michelle g

michelle g — Sat, 18 Aug 2007 23:16:27 +0000

My husband &I have been married for 5 years.After our first year he had a major accident,
fell down the steps and ended up with three scull fractiors.He’s fine but we have not
slept in the same bed since or have had sex.He sleeps in the gameroom with the dog.
Talk about a blow to your ego,but I have accepted it.I think about having an affair
but I was brought up with morals.Nobody knows about us and you would never know by
looking and seeing us together.We love each other very much and have talked about
our problem but who makes the first move.

By: Bob

Bob — Sat, 18 Aug 2007 12:02:12 +0000

A very active male says to lovemyhusband. Your husband does very well to have sex 5 times a week but it very normal for him to not be vitally interested for a while after sex, 24 hours or so. But your need for more sex can be taken care of before he has his orgasm in many creative ways not the least of which is using a position that is easier for him to hold off such as you being on top or enough of foreplay and sweet kind words in your ear and praise about your assets that you have at least one o imediately after he enters you and another one or after some seroius lovemaking. Lots of endearment and kisses through a given day and hugs might help if he does not feel smothered. There are thing to do do train for marathon sex which is what your blessed husband may need to do.
To Ann Marie I will give you encouragement as you need it as much as I do. My wife is the best wife and mother you could find but just seems to forget about me and my need for regular sex. Quickies, slow cooked and gourmet all have a real place as far as I am concerned but she’d be more that happy to do about one 15 minute session every other week. As a result with my higher drive I do not very ofter feel really treasured. I know she loves me and I have spoken to her about this many times but it just is not priority with her. I long to be cherished and desired for when she initiates or even acts really into it I feel like I am on cloud nine. Does he feel safe with you or is there a critical spirit in your heart. I have asked myself that many times and sometimes I feel a grudge building up inside my heart then we need a talk and she trys hard to do better. Ask god to bless your marriage and believe that he will. Wishing for more Bob