Comments on: He said/She Said: The Key to Forgiveness

By: Kathy

Kathy — Mon, 05 Nov 2007 00:30:16 +0000

My Husband had an affair with a co worker for 3 years. He kept telling me it was over, but
then I would find out it wasn’t. He finally stopped the affair. He always has needed alot of attention from other women. This was’nt the first time with another women, but it was the longest. We got help with the long affair, and I thought with all affairs, but he still act like he needs other womens attention. I asked him not to go to lunch with his female co-workers, but he still does. I tried to tollerate these lunches, but now he wants to go out with them on the weekends, with their spouses. He talks to everyone he sees, I guess I have never acccepted his trust, or he has never proved it. We have been married 40 years, and this has been a on going thing. I do love him but I don’t know if I want this anymore. When I mentioned his affairs, He had 4.
kathy

By: RENEE

RENEE — Mon, 17 Sep 2007 12:41:42 +0000

FORGIVENESS IS AN ACT OF LOVE ,AND IF YOU CAN NOT FIND THE LOVE FOR THAT PERSON ,THAN YOU HAVE TO LOOK ELSE WERE ,I FOUND MORE LOVE IN GOD WHICH GAVE ME MORE LOVE FOR MYSELF AND IN THIS TIME I LEARNED TO FORGIVE MYSELF FOR BELIVEING IN HIM LIKE I WAS SUPPOST TO ,YOU HAVE TO FIND WHAT EVER IT TAKES TO RELEASE SUCH THINGS THAT WILL MAKE OUR HEARTS COLD AND BITTER FOR IF THEY DO MAKE OR HEARTS BITTER NO-ONE WILL EVER LOVE US. SUCKS BUT THE TRUTH.

By: Theresa

Theresa — Sat, 15 Sep 2007 13:42:56 +0000

As I have sat here early Saturday morning reading everyone comment on forgiving. Yes forgiving is very hard. I know first hand I had to forgive and I also had to look at myself as well and see what part I play in hurting our marriage. No I did not have a affair but I played a big part. Sometimes we get caught up in what they did and did not do that we forget to look at ourselves. I am not saying affair or what ever the other person did is right. Sometime you have to look at your self. We feel we can put this degree on rights or wrong. Wrong is wrong. In your life you will have many storms that you will have a hard time understand and going through (some day it is hard getting out of bed). If I could help each of you who said that it was hard to forgive I would. I never would wish this on my worst enemy. Know this there is nothing like the peace when you have let go of the pain and truely try to forgive them other person. It is not for them it is for YOU to have peace you have not idea the joy you will feel when you do and that pain that holds you back . You will never heal with that luggage you are carrying around each and everyday. WHY? Make God first in your life and everything will fall into place. Yes it takes TIME and the walk can be hard. But he will help you over come so many obstacles we have in our lives like FORGIVENESS. I prayed for each one of you that God bless your hearts and your marriages and the children and love ones that have been affected. REmember this what will it hurt to look to God for help. It seem everything else has fail you and you have trying to control and manpulate everything to go your way. Why not try the one person our heavenly FATHER that can change night to day, bring the rain, who created this earth. Try him, he said he would never leave you. But you have to ask him and want him in your life.
My prayers are with you and I know that pain that alot of you have felt cause I have wore the shoes. Please pray for my family as I do the same for you. Stand for what you believed in when you said I DO. God will heal your hurting marriage………

By: virginia

virginia — Wed, 12 Sep 2007 02:29:11 +0000

I read all the replys in hopes that something someone said would spark me into forgiveness! My husband of 12 years had a 1 year affair with his high school sweetheart. I found out thanks to computer “footprints.” My heart still has not healed. We made a commitment to each other the day we were married and now I have to forgive? I say I forgive, but the pain is still there and 2 years have passed. How do you forgive, but not forget? I’ll never forget the pain the affair has brought to our marriage, so how would I even begin to forgive? Do I love him? I don’t know what love feels like when my heart feels this much pain.

By: J

Mon, 03 Sep 2007 08:56:02 +0000

They say every good marriage is only two years from divorce. In other words when communication stops and people start living like roommates and are resenful then usually an affair or some risky unfathomable behavior occurs almost as if to wake up feelings someone thought were dead inside. I found out when my husband and I broke up for one night before we were married he slept with a coworker in a van. He had all say to think about it and he came back two days later and we patched things up and he never told me about it. Then this last year he had a one time fling with an office girl who had serious issues, and anyway to make a long story short he lost his job, I find out this happened and I could not believe my partner and supposed best friend could do this but becuase they emailed each other on company time they were both let go. So not only do I get to deal with the anger about her, but now my daughter doe not get to lve like she was used to becuase we can barely make ends meet and as of tonight we are officially three payments behind on our mortgage. So we will lose our house we just had built two years ago. I told my husband we should have gotten a smaller house that was more affordable. I do love him but this is one of the bad days.

By: Judy

Judy — Mon, 20 Aug 2007 17:08:14 +0000

Kathy, You said everthing that I have been feeling. My husband to had a affair and I found out. He swears that he did not sleep with her. I can only believe what he is telling me. He has been very remoresful and I know that he is truly sorry for what happened. How can I move on now and stop constantly thinking of all this everyday and everynight. It is the first thing that I think when I awake. We are now better than we have been in a long long time. We too had begun living as roomates and drifting apart. Still, I can’t get past the hurt yet. Hopefully in time that will come.

By: Kathy

Kathy — Sat, 18 Aug 2007 23:33:03 +0000

For me forgiveness comes when you love without condition. My Husband cheated on me for 3 years before I found out about it. I cannot tell you in words how much this affected my life. My world seemed to collapse around me and life as I knew it came to a drastic hault. It hurt me so much that he lied to me for so long. It hurt me to know that the one person I cared most about in this world could betray me & deceive me as long as he did without my knowledge. It felt as though my heart had been ripped from my chest while it was still beating. I can’t condone what he did but I had to honestly ask myself if I was the best wife I could be at the time? I stopped listening to him, we drifted apart & lived like roommmates for years before I ever saw what was happening. I don’t blame him entirely for what happened. I had to own my part in it & believe me that wasn’t easy. We came so close to giving up and going our separate ways when I realized that this was the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Today, almost two years later we love each other more than we have in 15 years. Why? Because we took the time to get honest and truly started listening to what was important. It’s a miracle our marriage survived his infidelity. I have forgiven him and am trying to move on past the pain. It is possible. You just have to love each other enough to make it happen.

By: mel

mel — Wed, 15 Aug 2007 02:42:49 +0000

how about if you have asked for forgiveness and he won’t forgive? he says he can’t.

By: Teresa

Teresa — Tue, 07 Aug 2007 00:06:15 +0000

My husband and I have been married for over 18 yrs. He recentlyadmitted (2 wks ago) that he had an affair with a co-worker(who became pregnant). We both agreed that we will try to save our marriage. I have asked my husband several questions concerning this affair. He became upset because he felt like the details concerning the affair would not change anything. I feel like I need this information for closure. Also he seems to regret having this affair, but he has not apologized or asked for forgiveness. Am I wrong for expecting him to answer questions concerning this affair? Also, should I bring to his attention that he has not apoligized or asked for forgiveness?

By: Rosey

Rosey — Sun, 05 Aug 2007 06:53:30 +0000

This section is very comforting. After reading many comments from all readers out there who shared the same experiences, I do feel relief about my own feeling. It’s true, forginess is the key word. It’s just being to do or not to do. Thank guys and may God bless you.