Comments on: How to Talk to Her

By: Rick

Rick — Fri, 27 Jul 2007 09:04:53 +0000

This comment is for “lady”. You say to just jump in and be nice and she will see your niceness and respond in kind. (paraphrazing again). My first wife would get visibly upset if I did nicethings for her. I sent roses to her work and she accused me of trying to look good to her friends so they would think she had a sweet husband. I offered her a piece of carpet to kneel on one time when at a project and she was kneeling on concrete. she got angry, shot me a dirty look when one of the ladies mentioned something about chivalry. I used to do nice things for her all the time but she just had a huge chip on her shoulder and always seemed to take the things I did for her the wrong way. I promise, I was just trying to be nice. Goes to show you what’s normal for one person is ‘out there’ for another.

By: Rick

Rick — Fri, 27 Jul 2007 08:57:29 +0000

Okay Jeremy,
What if you treat her like a queen but she just has blank affect, doesn’t respond. Almost as if she’s deaf. then she wanders off because your reaction wasn’t as big as it should be, or it was too big and so it had to have been fake, or it wasn’t the exact same words she was expecting or hoping you’d say so it upset her, or, well, I hope you get the picture. It’s like you’re darned if you do, and darned it you don’t. (paraphrasing, of course!) After your “gift” being rejected so many times, it makes it hard to keep giving. Because it makes no difference what I say, or how I react, it is going to be met with some negative response. Not always, I’m not saying that but 75% or the time or more.

By: Lori

Lori — Thu, 26 Jul 2007 02:31:29 +0000

This response goes to what Alvin had to say. When your wife thinks you don’t care anymore, you must set her down and tell her from your heart how much you do care and how much you love her, and you must show true remorse for the areas you have failed at. Just as true repentence shows God we are sorry, this will show your wife that you are serious, and want to make things right. Remember that actions must speak too, following your words.

By: Justin

Justin — Fri, 20 Jul 2007 15:09:51 +0000

This article is all well and good, except that I do compliment my wife on a job well done, and show that I am interested. However, often times she will start complaining about how she wasn’t able to accomplish this or that other task because of the time required to complete her project. Then she will go off on how many thousands of things need to be done, and how her project isn’t very good anyway.

Of course I see an opposite issue too. When I complete a project, which I am happy about, often times she will complain to me, “why did you do it THAT way” or “what WERE you thinking?” etc. etc. Don’t get me wrong, she is not negative like that all the time, but it is such that I have no desire to tell her about anything I have completed, as I do not wish to hear about what I did wrong.

By: Judith

Judith — Mon, 16 Jul 2007 23:29:44 +0000

I was looking for the main thing that makes me crazy! Feedback for guys usually means they give us advice on what we really SHOULD do, or SHOULD’VE done. It wrecks any compliments. Totally wrecks them. Feedback like that says “I’m patting you on the head and giving you a smiley sticker to wear on your dress, but the way you SHOULD have done it is ‘xyz’. Seriously…that is just as bad as ignoring us. As soon as I hear the words “maybe next time” or “have you considered” I am through thinking anything pleasant. Just HOLD the advice, ok guys? Maybe keep it in your back pocket for a few weeks and then offer it up.

By: lady

lady — Mon, 16 Jul 2007 20:11:53 +0000

{{{not a man-basher!}}}

here comes the woman’s point of view. or at least this woman’s point of view. accomplishments are special to each and every person, regardless of your sex (fred). mostly this article is just saying the same thing that women have tried to say forever. nothing new. we just want to know that our men care about us beyond what we can give them or do for them. ok, so we can cook and we can clean and work and give you children and take care of you when you are sick. but do we matter to you at all beyond all of that? if you had a maid who could do all those things, would it matter that it wasn’t your wife who did it? do we really matter to you at all? do we matter enough for you to look beyond your bad day so that you can be happy for something big, or even not-so-big, that we are proud of? do we matter enough for you to turn the tv off and look at us in the eyes and tell us how excited you are for us?

and for john, if you are genuine when you give praise to your wife and you really aren’t manipulating her, she will figure that out. don’t hold back. she knows that you are holding back and it hurts. throw every good thing you have at her. tell her every good thing you can about her. she may look at you funny the very first time you do it. but, i guarantee, by the tenth time you do it, she won’t be looking at you funny anymore. there is no need to ease into being nice to her. just be nice to her. be good to her. things like that come back to you. if you want her to enthusiastically love you, then love her enthusiastically. but if you want her to just stay with you and stay out of your way, then treat her the same way. she will get the point either way. but which way will you (both) be happier?

By: Paul

Paul — Mon, 16 Jul 2007 15:48:03 +0000

Your tagline was interesting. Your article was routine and the same old thing and not very useful as well. I wish that this site offered more thanthe same spew.

By: Fred

Fred — Sun, 15 Jul 2007 22:52:54 +0000

This seems to be a response that has to be mutually valued. If the wife doesn’t feel particularly complimented by the husband’s genuine efforts to recognize her, she likely will not recall this or value it enough to offer her positive response to his accomplishments as they occur. Accomplishments are not as significant in needing recognition to a wife as they are to a husband – by my experience.

By: John

John — Sun, 15 Jul 2007 16:46:06 +0000

From my experience if you suddenly start expressing interest in her accomplishments she may take your attemps as a form of manipulation. I think you need to be supportive of her accomplishments only offering a few compliments and making sure there are no criticisms. You can then re-introduce your compliments in future conversation to show that you were really paying attentention and really do care. If you are not genuine, she will see through your ploy so don’t even try if you don’t care. It comes down to re-establishing a trust between your wife and yourself. It will take some time, but I feel it is worth every minute you put into the effort. There is just nothing like having a wife that beams when her husband shows how much he appreciates her.

By: Jeremy

Jeremy — Sun, 15 Jul 2007 02:43:46 +0000

I think these are easier saidthan done but well worth the effort. to answer Alvin, you “didn’t care” over the course of weeks, months, years. put these into practice. i have personally been the biggest jerk to my wife by not caring. If you treat her like your queen she will make you her king.