He Said/She Said: How to Stay Connected
Every couple begins their marriage “in love.” And while the couple never sets out with the intention of letting that love fade, it often does. It is all too common to sense the dimming of that “loving feeling” of intimacy. The couple may maintain a strong sense of commitment and duty, so they stay together and watch their marriage fall into autopilot. Their connectedness, their soul-mate quality, slips into the background as the day-to-day grind takes over.
Tip #1: Keep the Door to Communication Open
Michelle says:
“My husband and I try to stay connected with a weekly date night. It seems simple and formulaic, but being parents of young children, some adult conversation really brightens your week.”
WC says:
“We connect best during unplanned moments of spontaneous conversation. Sometimes it means shutting off the television and saying, “Talk to me.” Other times I turn down the radio in the car on our way to the restaurant. We have found that the key is finding those hidden moments every day when we “steal” a conversation. It happens at church or at the bank. As a result I really feel connected to her.”
Judy says:
“My husband and I have been married for 36 years and I think the most important thing in a marriage is to communicate. Also, NEVER—and I mean NEVER—go to bed mad at each other. Talk it out. If you don’t, it will just fester and it will be harder to talk…don’t let stubbornness hold you back.”
Aimee says:
“Almost every night, my husband holds me and we talk about our day, issues we might have, or anything that comes to mind. For one Valentine’s Day, I bought some conversation cards. These cards contain random questions you would never think to ask your partner. They help you stay connected while also learning more about your partner.”
Tip #2: Use Technology to Your Marriage’s Advantage
Jenn says:
“My husband and I both work at our computers all day long, so we started sending emails to each other just to say “I love you”! It’s amazing how even during a busy, frustrating day at work that email from your spouse can immediately connect you to them and put a smile on your face.”
Maritza says:
“Somehow we actually found, with all the stuff that is on TV, that there were maybe two or three shows that we BOTH enjoyed watching. We made sure to get together to watch our favorite show every time it came on during the week. Even if it’s just a half hour, that’s a half hour more than we had all day to do something we were both enjoying (after the kids are in bed, of course), with ice cream or whatever, cuddled up on the couch. It’s the best time of the week for me because we chitchat during commercials about our day and stories and just whatever, which could lead to other EXCITING things.”
Jillian says:
“During the day my husband and I will share little notes via email or text message. At night we often will take a long walk with our dog or sit on our rooftop and talk about our day, our future plans or concerns we might have. I always feel so connected to him because we take time for each other. We also plan things apart with our own friends so we enjoy our time together. After seven years together I still feel like he is my best friend.”
Christa says:
“My husband and I stay connected by talking to each other and working together. My husband’s job requires him to travel, and there are times when I cannot go with him, so we talk on the Internet and on the phone.”
Tip #3: Plan—and Stick to—That Date Night (You hear it over and over again because it works!)
Carrie says:
“We have been married for 11 years, second marriages for both of us. Raised (or are in the process of raising) 4 children. Creating time for just the two of us has helped to strengthen our marriage and keep it fun. Our weekly date night began as taking turns planning an inexpensive outing for just the two of us, that turned into bringing kids along because they were so much fun, so our second date night each week is just for us, usually spent at home relaxing and enjoying time together while the kids are at their ‘other parents homes.’”
Angela says:
“My husband and I decided about six years ago that as our family had now grown to seven—that means five children—we had become more about being providers and parents than lovers. The first thing we realized, though, was that we had been so blessed with our children because of our great love for each other. We knew that one day, as much as we hated to think about it, they would be gone. We didn’t want to get to that day when the proverbial nest was empty and not know each other as lovers anymore, so we have been going on what we call ‘date night’ once a week. This is our time to speak to each other as lovers, not parents, business owners, teachers, discipliners and the other titles you gain when becoming heads of a family. I think other couples see the value in this, and we often have friends join us because they too want to keep that spark. I guess you could call it a ‘date night club.’ Anyway, this is a sacred ritual—it has to be treated as such—and it really keeps us connected as a couple.”
Michele says:
“We have two small children (ages one and four) so getting time alone at home is very difficult. Sometimes we go out for breakfast, window-shop or whatever takes our fancy—now and then we even indulge in a spa treatment together. We also try to meet for lunch once a week on a workday. I only have a 30-minute lunch break at work, so he goes ahead to a nearby restaurant and places the order to save time. When I get there, the food is usually just about ready. We catch up on things we didn’t get a chance to share at home, and I dash back to work while he sorts out the bill. It is a welcome distraction!”
Ana says:
“My husband and I have been married for almost eight years, and together for more than 13 years. We feel that setting a “date” with each other, carving out some time for one-on-one, really helps stay connected. We both lead busy lives, but we try to keep God at the center of our marriage and put each other first after Him. When we set a date, we look forward to it and enjoy getting reconnected to each other. I love him, and he’s my best friend and lover.”
Tip #4: Connect with Each Other Through Your Spirituality
Sharon says:
“We have prayer time and devotions every morning before breakfast. We pray for each other, then for family, then for the world—including other churches as well as our own, missionaries and their children, and worked events. We start out reading a devotional that is all scripture, giving us a theme for the day.
During the day we check on each other and connect. We talk often with each other. Some days we have time apart; he is in his study a lot—he’s the pastor. I do a lot on the computer. Sometimes he calls me from his cell phone just to say “hi”—and I’m just a couple rooms away. We never miss saying ‘I love you’ several times a day, and we show it.”
Andy says:
“First, I realize that spirituality plays an important role in my life. So, for anyone who cannot identify with the Divine, I suppose we could substitute the Cosmos, the Universe, the Divine within, or whatever. What I do is, I turn to the Divine and simply ASK for a connection with my wife. I have this overwhelming feeling that such a request is acceptable before the heavenly throne—even that it pleases the Creator to receive such a request. And I never have to wait more than a few hours before my request is granted. Then I simply take time to just BE with my wife. I share with her—I encourage her to share with me. I feel so fortunate that the prayer to be able to connect with my wife is one that has never gone unanswered—beginning with the day we first met. I somehow believe this avenue is also open to anyone who would like to use it. I encourage you to check it out.”
Marcia says:
“Being empty-nesters and having gone through a recent relocation, we’ve learned to lean on each other more than ever. One thing that we’ve discovered once again is the key to staying connected spiritually through joint prayer every day. Through prayer, we are able to bring our needs to a loving Heavenly Father Who meets those needs and Who comforts us through the rough spots of life. We are able to converse with Him and to give Him praise together for our 26 years of marriage. Because our “friend base” in our new area is still scant, we’ve rekindled our friendship as husband and wife. Because we have the freedom to “go and do” without having to plan around the children’s schedules anymore, we’ve taken up hiking again. It has brought with it a sense of teamwork and the challenge to stay in shape physically as we approach that middle-age mark.”
More Quick Tips to Strengten Your Intimate Connection
Gloria says it’s about making the time:
“I’ve noticed that time itself is the biggest factor. Whatever closeness we have happens when we are spending time together. If we had less time together, things wouldn’t slow down enough for a good conversation.”
Abby says keep doing what brought you together initially:
“It’s simple: think of that one interest that brought you two together. It could be anything—a sport, music, work—and try to keep that going all your life. This will help you keep your original identity as a couple, and the happy moments that came along with it will continue to keep you blissfully connected.”
Pepper says challenge each other intellectually:
“My boyfriend and I have begun some really fun and important activities together to stay connected. We love to talk and debate politics, and we live for the intellectual stimulation that comes from that. Every Sunday morning we watch FOX News Sunday with Chris Wallace. After every commercial, we debate the issues at hand. We also have bought some political books that get us ‘fired up,’ and we read to each other out of them, one chapter at a time. We read the paper together and just talk about what is going on in the world around us. He is my best friend, lover and confidante, and we challenge each other intellectually, which leads to some great sexual experiences, to say the least!”
Krystal says keep it spicy (and efficient!):
“My husband and I take a shower together almost every day. Of course, we don’t have any kids yet, so it might change later in life. But right now we just enjoy it as much as we can. It helps us stay connected. You can’t get any more intimate than that (besides in the bedroom).”
Karen says get out of your routine:
“We do not have children, but we do get caught up in the day-to-day things. We both work a lot and spend time with our family. To reconnect, we plan two big vacations a year and a lot of overnight vacations throughout the year, which may be just going away for a short trip or even taking an overnight “vacation” at home. If we stay home, we plan things together and make sure that we do not do at-home projects. We plan a special dinner that we cook together and then a special evening together.”
Holly says celebrate special days—consistently:
“My husband and I have been married for 10 and a half months, but we both have very busy schedules with our jobs and volunteering at our church. We were married on September 23, so every month on the 23rd we do something special together. If we have to, we’ll schedule it on another date, but we try to take that one day (or part of the day) and make it ‘ours.’
Sometimes we’ll go for a walk, rent a movie or whatever. I admit, we’ve already discovered that it takes creativity. For example, last month on the 23rd, I was leaving with the kids from our church for camp and my husband was not going. He leaves for work at 5:00 a.m., and I got up early and had breakfast with him before he left. Even thought it was cold Pop-Tarts, it was a special time for the two of us.”
She Said/He Said: Great Final Words of Wisdom!
JaneM says:
“My husband and I have mutual respect for one another at all times. As his wife, I do not try to change him or make him think and feel the way I do. We are both individuals who have our own feelings. We respect that and appreciate the differences. We both live with an “attitude of gratitude” for the things we do for each other and the family. We don’t take things for granted and we truly look to the positive in our relationship. This is what keeps us connected. In the big picture, the only thing that matters is the relationships you keep. We won’t waste precious time keeping score of the number of chores each of us completes. Whatever we do, we do it out of love for each other—not to compete. We have been married for 26 years, and our connection is better than ever!”
ANIS says:
“Be totally HONEST, TRUTHFUL and FAIR at all times. Get away alone, just the two of us, once a month. Always treat each other as best friends and have trust. Make sure that we are both sexually gratified each time. Do things that our spouse enjoys to make each other happy. Always try to help each other look our best. Make sure that our spouse always comes first and that he or she is proud and happy.
If we make each other happy, loved, confident and proud, we always remain connected and close.”
(4 votes, average: 3.75 out of 5)
Loading …Tags: Communication, Couples Stories, For Men, For Women, Sex and Romance, Trust and Commitment
7 Responses to “He Said/She Said: How to Stay Connected”
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my husband and i new each other for seven years and married one your, i could really say i love my husband and my childrens. we both came a long way. our time together is with god having him first we pray together read the bible. everynight we put jazz on shut allthe lights off just hold one another, close our eyes just slow dance away.
It’s lovely to read the many comments from so many couples who are SO committed to finding the many ways in our complicated world, to keep the intimate connections alive and well. It’s inspiring and means a great deal to know that it is possible even if it is not in my marriage. Somehow knowing that others can and do make marriages alive and nutrient rich for each other helps me. My husband, sadly, cannot or will not try….despite counseling and marital therapy. I have at last after several years and a measure of life tragedy have given up and am moving into an acceptance that is at least, tranquil, if poignantly lonely. Good on all of you who do make it and always, always cherish the preciousness of your bonds!
wonderful and beautiful historys
I made my congratulations for this site because there is so wonderful to see people interested in heping to find a soul mate an help find a good person and right marriage, its wonderful and great. Beatriz
Interesting what the #1 tip is…Please make sure to read this. You will be getting quizzed in 2 days
Im recently married. Just four months, and the expereinces that have been shared on this site have really helped myself and husband in coming up with new and innovative ways to stay connected. I feel much more confident nwo after reading this that my marriage will be a long and fullfilling one.
Congratulations on the site. Its very informative and thus helpful
Great work guys!
My husband and I have been married for 4 years. Every day we make sure we give each other loving hugs. We embrace each other for as long as we desire too. That is the best feeling ! When we leave to go our separate ways, we never forget to say ” I Love You with a kiss to seal it ” because no one knows what a day holds. We pray for our marriage that God will keep us close and help us to walk in love and kindness.