Men’s Top Marriage Complaints – Demystified!
Since launching this online forum for married couples, we’ve been bombarded with emails from men and women. Some have shared what they love and appreciate about their marriages, but more often than not, they’ve shared their frustrations.
We want you to know that we hear you loud and clear. And we want to provide real help that works! That’s why we’ve asked our readers—specifically our female readers—to share some words of wisdom on the top three male complaints we’ve been hearing. The following are the most insightful nuggets of advice straight from the people who know the issues best—real women like your wife and real men like you.
Complaint #1: “She doesn’t want to have sex.”
Susan says:
Each of us, whether male or female, has different needs. I have found that my husband’s needs are more physical and mine are more emotional. Are we in synch very often? Not very. However, if my emphasis is on filling his “love tank” and his is on filling mine, we work so much better together and meet each other needs more successfully. I don’t think it’s about frequency or about satisfaction, it’s about living outside of ourselves and caring about each other.
Kim says:
I need affection and foreplay to get in the mood. Give me (sincere) attention during the day, and you’ll get MY attention at night (or whenever the mood is right).
Sue says:
If you meet her needs, she is going to be more likely to want to meet yours. She wants to talk; you want to have sex.
Susan says:
I guess we wives need to make it clear we could have more “energy” for sex if our hubbies were a little bit more in tune with what completed tasks give us the most peace of mind at the end of the day. But no matter how you say it, it seems like a bribe, when help keeping our energy up is all we really want!
Now, husbands, don’t be wimps and think you can read your wives’ minds. If she says she is physically tired or uncomfortable, don’t assume your advances won’t be welcome. Feeling your desire could be just what the doctor ordered!
Kathy says:
If you were picking us up at a bar, you would be on best behavior, so perhaps you need to think about the help and attention you are giving your wife.
Help, so she is done with chores earlier (wink, wink) and not so tired; attention, so she might be semi in the mood by the time you lock the bedroom door. Oh yes, and please, after a full day, a shower might be just what the doctor called for!
Patsy says:
There were long periods of time in the last 23 years that we didn’t connect very well, and I guess I learned that I feel the most sexy when some attention has been paid to me while vertical. If he only realized how my heart jumps when he compliments me or pats my rear (yes, even while I’m doing dishes), he’d know he has the ticket to great sex. But it seems that I have to keep reminding him of this, and I make the conscious effort to make it go both ways. FOREPLAY IS ALL DAY!
Mandie says:
If the husbands could just slow down and focus on what makes them want to be close to their wives in the first place, I think the rest would come naturally. Did you love her neck? Her hair? Her laugh? Make sure she knows it…every day. If you think something nice, SAY it! We have no idea when you think of us unless you tell us. We have to stop and focus on you to get out of “mommy mode.” Help us out by remembering (and reminding us) we aren’t just your sexual outlet.
Pamela says:
I think when a woman feels cherished and valued by her husband, she is more interested in sex. When a man knows his woman and knows what it is that makes her feel loved (whether it be time spent together, or help with domestic chores, or a combination of things), and when she is his top priority, he will have an adoring wife who is not critical and is probably somewhat less talkative.
Brenda says:
I highly recommend Gary Chapman’s book The Five Love Languages. You can be doing tons and tons for your spouse, but if it’s not what makes her feel loved, then she is emotionally empty and intimacy is the last thing on her mind. My husband and I have come back from our recent years (twice-a-year sex) to our early years (four to five times a week) because we feel loved by each other and want to share intimacy and give it back. It will be an Aha! moment for you when you understand this. Please give it a try.
Alison says:
My husband thinks that by feeling me up, I’ll immediately be in the mood. That is not flattering or a turn-on. Women need more subtle attention and need to feel that you truly want to be with us, not just HAVE us. Show me positive attention—small pecks on the cheek throughout the day, a stroke of the hair, or even flowers for no reason. These things that seem ridiculous to you mean a lot to us, and believe me, you’ll be rewarded.
Try to put some thought into it and you’ll learn very quickly what flips our switch.
Anna says:
I used to have sex with my husband daily, sometimes more than once a day. But now, since he has become extremely disrespectful to me (including cursing me out, name-calling, and saying all kinds of hurtful things to me), I want nothing to do with him sexually anymore. The way you treat a person really DOES affect whether they want you sexually or not. How am I supposed to hear constant criticism about every little thing, get belittled and called names, and then lie down in bed with him at night and make passionate love? That just doesn’t happen, folks, and he doesn’t understand why.
Beth says:
Time of day and when you approach is a BIG factor. I am not a morning person, and I am too tired at the end of the day. So finding some stolen moments in the afternoon before the dinner/ bath time express rolls through is more of a priority.
Sometimes, guys, our lack of enthusiasm has more to do with how we see ourselves or how we feel you see us. The best thing you can do is express your unconditional love and acceptance and do what you think she would need to make her feel as secure in the relationship as possible.
Joyce says:
OK, short and sweet. Dr. James Dobson’s book Sex Starts in the Kitchen is probably the best advice for men I’ve ever read. I was surprised at his insight, and I liked that it not only addressed my needs as the wife, but helped me see his side too.
Diana says:
I do like to be “dated”—reminded that he still finds me attractive—and I know he still needs that too. I am much more “touchy-feely” than he is and I like to hear that he loves me. I have told him this and he keeps trying to improve. I know as well that he still needs to hear how important he is and how much I appreciate the living he makes for us. I would just say that, girls, men are very visual, they like to see those sexy little outfits and smell that nice enticing perfume. Don’t let him just see this on TV or in magazines. Guys, the ladies like to smell that great masculine cologne and see that you too have taken time to look good for her. Your health is really important in being able to have a good sex life. Do what it takes to take care of yourself.
Theresa says:
One of the best things I’ve ever heard, and it is amazingly true, is that a husband has the power to make his wife beautiful simply by the way he speaks to her. So, guys, if your wife doesn’t want sex, it could be because she no longer feels like the most amazingly beautiful woman in the world. If she no longer looks beautiful to you, that is your fault…because her beauty shines out of love for you and respect for you. If you aren’t loving her mind (talking to her about what she feels is important), creating scenarios that she can mentally engage in, and letting her “see” how much you love her…you won’t be in the position to have a gratifying sexual relationship.
Kristi says:
It’s all about open-minded communication, not accusations or threats or sexual “weapons.” We either love our spouse and want it to last or we want to sit around and complain about it. It’s also about treating your spouse the way you want to be treated. Guys, wanna be treated like a king in your home? Treat your wife like a queen. Same goes for women. It’s hard, I know. I get a hard head sometimes and think, “Why does he always want something in return?” Well, then I mentally pop myself and say, “Stop being so stubborn and just say something nice to him, make him feel special.” It ALWAYS comes back in a good way. It’s hard work, but if you don’t talk things through, calmly and sincerely, it will never get better. So guys, LISTEN to your wives. Make her feel special, then she’ll probably be less critical and more likely to have sex.
Complaint #2: “She always wants to talk.”
Allison says:
My closest friends and family live in another state, and I work from home, so I don’t get a lot of “talk.” I just want to have an intellectual conversation with someone other than a two-year-old.
I do my best to be understanding and not critical. However, I agree it’s all about perception. Most of the time I am not critical, I just want to be heard and want my opinion to be valued.
Jenn says:
Do something that grabs my heart; don’t just grab my ass. Show me that you care about my feelings, empathize with my long, trying day with the kids—then we’ll talk about getting intimate.
Mandi says:
Men and women, I feel, are calling for the same needs to be met through different expressions and using different language to describe those needs. A man asking for sex IS the same thing as a woman asking for conversation. Both individuals are longing for connection, along with affirmation of the other’s love and respect, although long-standing frustration may have distorted what the true and original intention was. The struggle (and disconnect) becomes “If you can’t meet my needs then I can’t meet yours.” A woman feels that if her husband does not share himself intimately with her and offer his support of their relationship OUTSIDE of the bedroom, then she does not feel moved to share herself or support him sexually.
As well, a man feels that if his wife does not willingly respond to, or initiate, sexual desire, she must not love or respect him, therefore he does not feel moved to support her OUTSIDE of the bedroom. And as a result, neither feels wanted nor cared for, creating resentment and further breakdown of respect. This is where critical words become a weapon, just as distance becomes the sword that speaks for the loneliness and hurt.
The real disappointment, though, is that we allow ourselves to get caught up in this game of payback (which, as we know, is more draining than all other responsibilities), when what we could do is take some time to consider what the other person is REALLY asking for when they make their requests. I know that when my husband wants sex, he ultimately is wanting my attention, recognition, and fierce approval. And he knows that when he helps with the house and kids, he’ll get it!!
Cyndi says:
For most women, talking is how we connect, and connection, very often, is a big turn-on for us. When we feel emotionally connected, we will want to be physically connected.
Sarah says:
Men, encourage your wives to spend some time with her female friends. If she does not seem to have time in her day to keep good friendships, please help her to develop those friendships. You cannot provide all her emotional support, as wonderful as you are.
PK says:
Women are very verbal and get emotionally connected through talking. She needs to be listened to. She wants to know what you think and how you feel. I found that if my husband spends 10 or 15 minutes on the couch with me, with the TV off, just talking, that really fills up my “love tank.” A little goes a long way. And the more satisfied she is emotionally, the more sexually responsive she is likely to be.
Shannon says:
The most important thing is communication. Talk to your wife, ask her why she’s not interested in sex, but give her a safe place to land when she responds. If you really want to know why she’s unresponsive, you need to listen when she tries to tell you what’s troubling her and causing her to withdraw, and really listen when she talks to you. Don’t get defensive or make her feel guilty. In order to have a healthy marriage, you need to uplift one another. You should be her biggest fan and she should be yours. Give each other permission to express your hurts, concerns, and fears, and when expressing yourselves to one another, try to be sensitive to each other’s feelings. You are communicating to help your marriage, not to hurt each other. If your wife feels adored and understood, she will want to be close to you spiritually and physically.
Complaint #3: “She can be very critical.”
Sue Says:
My husband has said this of me. I don’t think I am any more critical than anyone else. I do think that he PERCEIVES me as being critical. Check your assumptions. If you hear her say something that seems critical to you, ask questions: “Did I get that right?” It could be that you have a filter in place that makes you see her as critical.
Chantelle says:
I don’t think the problem is necessarily one of man or woman. Yes, God wonderfully created us equally different, and that is to be embraced. If communicating your frustrations to each other doesn’t work, check your tone of voice and the words you are using. Do it in love and be honest, flat-out open.
Jessica says:
A lot of people posting on here sound like they have really terrible relationships! I hope that they have had the courage to talk to their significant others about all the things they are complaining of here. You can’t let your spouse avoid talking about these issues. It’s conceivable that some women want to talk more than their husbands, but everyone needs to talk about the issues that are important. If you feel unloved and unappreciated, or just want someone to do something differently, you’ve got to kindly and gently let the person know. If you have to specify that this isn’t meant as an attack or criticism, then do it. Make sure the other person understands where you’re coming from. Too many people go through their whole relationships assuming that they know what the other person’s thinking, without actually talking about their thoughts. You can’t complain about a problem in your relationship if you can’t say for sure that your partner also knows that it is a problem. If your partner DOES know that it’s a problem but is making no effort to work on it, then you really should consider more drastic measures, such as therapy…or just getting out of the relationship.
Michelle says:
I am lucky that my husband understands that when I need to talk, I’m not asking for a solution—I’m asking for an ear. I have noticed that I become much more critical of him (and our marriage) when I don’t feel secure in his affections. However, when I feel like he is putting me first, it is much easier to reciprocate.
The same goes for sex. When I know that he is as emotionally involved in the relationship and the physical enjoyment of it, I get turned on much easier and faster. So women: check your self-esteem levels, boost them if you need to, and turn yourself into a hot mama he won’t want to yell at, ignore, or disrespect! Men, treat your woman like a queen, and you’ll get everything you want. Seem simple? It takes a lot of hard work, but when you get there, it’s worth it!
JaneM says:
I know a lot of wives will not like me for these comments, but here they are: I honestly feel the wife sets the tone of the marriage. If she is extremely critical, nagging, or disrespectful to her husband, then he will be withdrawn, humiliated, and frustrated. Why would he want to talk with his wife if she behaves in such a manner? On the other hand, if the wife is supportive, grateful, and respects her husband’s ideas, the husband will be more willing to talk with her, listen to her ideas, and do what he can to make her happy and content. This is what the wife wants to feel in the first place. Our husbands want us to be happy. Ask any husband, and that is what he’ll tell you.
My husband and I have been married for more than 26 years and have three sons. I try really hard never to control my husband’s life or his thoughts and feelings. For instance, when he shares his feelings with me, I will never tell him he shouldn’t feel a certain way or that he’s stupid for feeling that way. Therefore, he is usually more willing to talk with me and tell me how he’s feeling. Also, whenever he is doing something at his job or around the house, I never suggest a better way of doing it, even if I feel I am being helpful. He’s an adult and knows how he wants to complete a task. I am not his mother to tell him how to do it better or differently. Likewise, he never criticizes me when I am completing a chore or project. He usually compliments my actions, even if he would have done it differently.
I am happier than I have ever been in my marriage, and the sex just keeps getting better. Marriage is a partnership, not an entitlement program.
PK says:
I have to admit, I was critical of my husband for many years. I actually thought I was “helping” him. I listened to Shaunti Feldhahn’s tapes, “The Secret Lives of Men,” and I learned about men’s deep desire for respect. I realized that some things I intended to be helpful were taken as criticism and disrespect. I’ve had to change how I word things—it makes all the difference. I also have to bite my tongue sometimes. Guys, try to understand that your wife may not realize how she is coming across. She probably doesn’t realize she is hurting you. Of course there are both men and women who are downright critical and verbally abusive. Then you probably need outside help.
Final Words of Wisdom
Lee says:
Men, sometimes intercourse may need to be replaced with intimate touching and playful touching on an evening when we are tired and don’t feel like a full romp! We all need to recognize that sex is more than just penetration, it’s an entire mental/emotional/spiritual/physical exchange.
“She always wants to talk.” So men, just listen. and when we ask for your opinion/perspective, please share. We cannot read your minds. It’s the only way we’ll know what’s going on in your mind. When you share what’s going on in your mind, then we should be able to properly respond to your needs. But ladies, stop talking during sports. That’s just rude!!
“She can be very critical.” This, like so many things, is very relative. Oftentimes, what men perceive as critical is not what we (ladies) intend to portray. We think we’re helping or guiding or advising. Sometimes, guys, you need to stop being so sensitive and actually listen to the issue we’re attempting to address instead of the words that come out of our mouths. Then again, ladies, sometimes we need to get to the point and stop being so verbose.
Mureen says:
My advice to men and to women: Treat the person you are with how YOU would like to be treated. Communicate good and bad feelings. Share your life, don’t demand that the other person be part of it. Show excitement for all the little things as well as the big; life is too short to overlook anything. Work it out; sometimes it is frustrating, but if each of you is worth it, be persistent. We don’t always have the right key in hand to fit into the lock…sometimes we have to search for it. Patience, patience, patience…on both sides!
Tina says:
All it takes is a touch when you walk by, 15 minutes of “us” time, and a compliment here and there. Please don’t wait for her to say, “How do I look?” If you notice that she looks nice, then tell her immediately. She will love it. And take a moment to talk about the specifics of what turns you on and off and turns her off and on. Try to remember it and apply it to your life.
As far as women talking too much: It really is our way of connecting with you. If you take the effort to talk about your days together, it will really make a difference. I used to ask question after question just trying to have some type of conversation with my husband, and he just took it as prying or that I was trying to get him to reveal a secret I though he might be hiding. Once we talked it over, he realized that I really just wanted to know how his day went and whether he did anything interesting. I am a stay-at-home mom, so I enjoy hearing about his workday. Now he shares it with me. I might still ask questions, but it is only to keep the conversation going. Women are information maniacs. We live happy lives when we get to communicate and connect with you.
Yes, we can be very critical, but it is not out of meanness. Most of us have put on the role of Mom. We correct our children out of love. We don’t want to see them make mistakes, so we try to help them. Unfortunately, we tend to do the same with our husbands. Our purpose and intentions are truly out of love but our approach is all wrong. It is not meant to be personal, it is meant to be helpful. We are not trying to attack you but to attack the problem. Next time your wife is being critical, tell her how you heard her (“What I just heard you say is, ‘I’m not good enough,’ or, ‘I never do anything right,’” etc.). And usually she will see how she came across wrong and will say it better next time.
Added Bonus: Straight Talk from Other Guys
Dave says:
Listen to her. Take her seriously, admit to her when you’re wrong, open the door for her, and stay in the bed for a while with her when “you’re done,” dudes!
Paul says:
Try to save the negative or conflict management to a set weekly time so it doesn’t
spill over and poison all the good times, especially the physical intimacy. I understand the need for connection, but a long dumping of everything before every lovemaking time really kills it. Of course, if we made love every day, it would be less to catch up on.
Bob says:
Kids occasionally have some needs that trump everything, but they will live if every meal isn’t perfect or if you sit them in front of the TV for an hour so you two can be together.
Too often the parents’ love life suffers and the kids end up in a single-parent home. Put your relationship and each other, not the kids, first (that is putting God first). Kids will only be around 18 years, your spouse could be loving you for 50 or 60 years.
Schedule times for love, and more than once a week, so one of you isn’t getting turned down and humiliated over and over until he/she starts looking elsewhere, even if only in the mind.
John says:
So she wants to talk, big deal…listen, it’s not that hard. Let her vent, blow off steam, bitch about her day. This is what broads do! (No offense, but real men already know this.) If you don’t like your woman, don’t waste your time…get out. It’s exactly like your friendship with another guy, but hopefully she’s cuter to look at. We all listen to our buds when they’ve got an issue, so listen to her. Here’s my tip: Just give her hug, say, “I’m sorry you had to experience that,” give her a little peck on the cheek or the top of her head, and hold her until she lets go of you. Trust me, she’ll appreciate it, and maybe you’ll get lucky in bed.
Being critical….Your wife married a man, so as a man, step up to the plate when you got it coming and take it. That doesn’t mean lie down and die, but no matter what stupid thing you say or do (except infidelity, a whole different issue), if she knows that you truly love her, she’ll know that you would never have the deliberate intention of hurting her feelings. And if you know she truly loves you, then you should know that too! (See previous paragraph.)
I’ve been with my wife for over 25 years; it took me 10 of those years to realize that I needed to bite my tongue 75 percent of the time and only fight the fights that I truly believed in. So I don’t argue about not getting enough sex anymore; I listen, and I don’t take shots for the sake of taking shots. Why? Because I’m a man who truly loves his wife, and if I feel a need to do these types of things, then why am I here?
(5 votes, average: 2.6 out of 5)
Loading …Tags: Communication, Conflict, Couples Stories, For Men
18 Responses to “Men’s Top Marriage Complaints – Demystified!”
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My husband’s ego was so wrapped up in his job that when it ended, no matter how I tried to make that not important to our lives, his self esteem just plummeted. And along with it his sex drive. He drank more and put on tremendous weight and just announced to me at some point that he was no longer interested in sex. He felt terrible about it, he said, and he hated what he was doing to me, but there it is. Well, I tried all sorts of things, believing we could explore other ways that wouldn’t be physically taxing to him. But after one disastrous try, he refused to try again. And his depression has led him to drink more and gain more weight which only makes him more depressed. Now he’s neglecting our financial affairs so I’m very concerned. I’ve been to Al-Anon and everyone says to leave him, that this will not get any better, but it’s so hard when I see someone I love so depressed. It doesn’t seem right to just leave. He’s in a vicious downward spiral and won’t seek help. I have no idea where to turn next or how to help him. It is all just so very sad.
The articles i just read are very informative. I am going through a ruff time in my marriage, and we are working on it. Our therapist toold me the other day, to take it like a Marine that i was. I now have a differant out look on our marriage and i am going to go full tilt to make her happy to do the things to make her life easier.
A pat on the bottom while I am doing the dishes alone (worked full time, also grocery shopped, prepared dinner, did laundry, cleaned house, mowed the lawn, trimmed trees in our yard, took car to have oil changed (not all in same day but you get the picture) is not as sexy as grabbing the dish towel. We do have sex 2-3 times a week.
Well I know that for me In the past year/year and a half or so my wife hasnt really wanted sex and me being a very sexual person who wants it all the time.. its hard for me to accept it that way.. and I know that she wants me to do more around the house and compliment her and make her feel good about herself and make her feel like she doesnt have to or isnt the one doing everything around the house. Helping out around the house is a big issue.
A lot of men I think feel like they make the money and work hard everyday so they should come home and have dinner on the table and pretty much be pampered and at the end of the night have sex with there spouse. But it shouldnt always be this way… The woman deserves this as well. I think If the woman were pampered as well, she’d be more open to wanting sex with her spouse.
As far as talking goes… I am big on talking about things no matter what it is. and my wife has always had this problem with expressing her feelings and talking about things that bother her. So our communication hasnt always been that good and that is a vital key to any marriage. Sometimes women need to talk and guys should listen to them. even the simplist of communication. Sometimes women tell us guys that we need to do this or that or whatever and us guys need to really listen and start doing whatever it is they want us to be doing or doing more of. I think women would be more turned on by the fact that we actually take the time to listen to what they are saying and try to do it. They would also see that we apreciate them and that is a turn on for them as well. Sometimes it can get annoying when all they want to do is talk , so ladies remember us guys are not real big on talking all the time like intimate talking and a lot of guys cant really express there feelings well so remember dont push the intimate or feelings talk on us guys all the time.. try and talk about sports or music or that kind of stuff but dont try and talk as if you know whats going on when you dont! just talk as if you want to learn about it and become involved and get interested in it. Then the both of you would have something to share with each other.
Criticism is a big issue I have with my wife.. she is always critical of me about the way I do things or the way I am sometimes. honestly ladies, instead of being critical of us.. you should just let us know that you dont like something and tell us how we can change it for you. Too often women are critical but then dont tell us how we can change to their likeing. So then us men dont know how to change and we stay the same and the women become more critical of us. its a never ending cycle. So just remember if you wanna be critical just do it in a nice way and let the guy know how he can change to satisfy you but dont be too over barring with being critical cause a guy wont like it if you try and change him into your dream man. He will get pissed and ultimatley if you want him to be your dream man, then you should of married your dream man instead of the guy you did marry. See the ladies need to remember that you fell in love and married a guy for who he is not for who you wanted him to be. If you wanted him to be something different you should of never married him and just found a totaly different guy that suits your needs… the same goes for the men with their spouses. We guys should remember not to be too critical of our women and need to remember that we fell in love and married our spouse because of who she was, not what you want her to be. Now I understand that over time people can chage and sometimes the changes really affect the marriage and relationship. The person your spouse was when you got married isnt the same person now and you just start to fall out of love with them or you dont wanna be with them anymore because of that.
Well I think I have said more than my two cents worth so I will leave it at this…lol
Tyler
This is a fact of all missunderstanding in marriage,Husband need to understnding his wife.same with wofe also
I think that a lot of this is helpfu and informative and all of it, obviously, is specific to those marriages. In my experience NONE of the above works for me. I’m a hopeless romantic, I’m extremely helpful around the house, I am very liberal and sincere in my compliments, I know and fluently speak my wife’s “love language”, and foreplay is my forte, so to speak. My wife’s frigid, plain and simple.
And there’s a very fine line between bribery to get your wife in the mood and good old fashioned prostitution. Sorry if that comes across as vulgar or crass but if I have to spend money be it on gifts or just paying the bills to make you feel secure enough to be in the mood, I may as well call an escort service.
I completely agree with Tyler. Both spouses want respect and approval and affection and love. Get to really know your spouses before it is too late. You only have one life so be happy.
My wife and I have been married for over 15 years, and during that time, we have never had a serious argument. Sure we have our disagreements, but there is never any name calling or bringing up of irrelevant issues. In that respect, we get along great!
Then there is the physical aspect of our marriage. I give my wife compliments, the foreplay she wants, and I initiate the kissing, nibbling, caressing, touching, and fondling and more and giving her the magic “O”, which I enjoy doing. My complaint is when she says “thanks, Honey” and then rolls away from me to go to sleep. HELLO!!! How about returning the favor? How about at least offering me intercourse afterwards?? …and why do I always have to initiate intimacy? It is behavior like this that makes me re-think our 15-year marriage. Am I wrong here? This has gone on for a long time, and I would appreciate some feedback from men and women alike.
I’ve so had it with manipulation…on both sides! Girls, guys need sex! Guys, girls use sex to manipulate you! An age old problem. When will the girls realize that we love you and that the physical connection is an expression of our love for you and all the women are, jeez, we worship you. I’ve worked 25 years to please my wife, supported every want, slaved overtime and bought untolded gifts….I still have to beg for sex…something is wrong there…I’m going to bail…no wonder prostitution is still a thriving business…it would have been a vastly cheaper alternative for me. Connection at all levels is important, to me and to my mate. Emotional, intellectual, physical, spiritual…all the above. I think women today are more liberate than their male counter parts…I think you use and abuse the honest man and it makes me cry that I can’t find a woman who I can share my feelings with, who accepts my abundant gifts and feels the need to respond in kind.
A very lonly heart have I.
I have been reading what the men have been writing. I must say that woman do use manipulation, but so do men. I have been married to my husband for almost 7 years. We have an open and loving relationship. Sex, as in most marriages, is a big issue. We have 3 small children, which makes romance hard. My husband is like any other man, he needs sex. I think alot of women don’t see sex as a NEED for men, but it is a NEED. I, like any other woman, need (non-sexual) intimacy. Guys, non-sexual intimacy and romance is a NEED for women! It’s time we as men and women step up to the plate. We are all being selfish. If we love our spouses we will do what it takes to please them with no selfish motivation. If we do so, our personal needs will be met. Marriage is not a 50/50 deal. We must each give 100%!!! And guys, Sex, for most women, is NOT a NEED. I think guys have this misconception! Orgasm is what a women needs, but it’s usually not a priority. Intercourse is not orgasmic for a majority of the female population! Enough said.
If you’re wife isn’t responding to you I strongly suggest reading: If Only He Knew… What No Woman Can Resist by Gary Smalley. Please understand it takes a lot longer to untangle a mess than it takes to make one though. That’s just common sense in real life and in emotional life also. God of course give the best advice and it is to know YOUR wife – and know her very very well. What makes your wife tick? Take your wife’s name and realize it is the study of HER. Lesliology…. Susanology. You get the idea. She WILL respond, but give it time. If you believe in God and the Bible, realize the way it works. God calls the church his bride… sorry, but the church never did any for God first, it responds to His goodness doesn’t it? We, the bride/church/ love him because he first loved us.
What I’m really disapointed in from this, other sites and artiles have not even hinted that all the romantic responsiblility seems to be on men. Why? Am I missing the part where that is talked about?
As a man married for better than 10 years, I think the core issue regarding conflict, be it communication or physical, is the simple case of comfort. Let me explain. A man has expectations placed on him, in short financial support. Not only are we expected to provide for food, shelter and “the good life” we are also saddled with the all too real responsibility to progress within our career. Become a better wage earner, secure a larger home, better car(s) and the like. Failing to do so is a sin in the eyes of many. Should the female persuasion be held to this same standard? Should men demand that as the years pass, the body she wears gets better? The sex is more and more satisfying, kinky, often? No, we instead build a wonderfull comfortable life for women and God forbid, should the partnership fail, you are still held to the same standard of provinding support “in the lifestyle she has become accusomed to”. Yet, dare I ask how many ex’s are ordered by the court to continue sexual relations “in the lifestyle he had become accustomed to?”
EVERYONE IS ALLWAYS WORRIED THAT THEY GIVE MORE THAN THAN THE OTHER ,SORRY GUYS I DO NOT FEEL FOR ANY OF YOU ,DID YOU FORGET YOU NOW ARE ONE NOT TWO AND THERE IS NO OWNING IN A MARRAIGE OR PUT A CHECK ON MY LIST I DID A FAVOR.
MARRAIGE IS A BONDAGE IF ONE IS DOWN YOU CARRY THEM TELL THEY CAN CARRIE THEM SELEF AGAIN AND IF IT IS ONE YEAR OR TWENTY BECAUSE YOU PROMISED AND IF THEY CAN TRUST YOU, THAN WHO IN THIS CAN THEY TRUST IN SUCH A FALLEN WORLD
Quick note to Doug -do you realize that in many many couples out there, its the WOMAN that is the higher wage earner? Men no longer carry the responsibility of having to provide for the entire family because their wives are working too….hence, having to “provide” is simply not an excuse that today’s man can use as some kind of entitlement to sex whenever he wants it. In addition, your insinuation that women are lucky men don’t expect them to physically improve with time is ridiculous. If a man thinks that just because he brings home a paycheck he is entitled to make such demands on his wife’s physical appearance, then he better be ready to face the same expectations being placed on his own physical appearance.
As far as the men’s “biggest complaints”, you guys would not believe how EASY it is to get your lady to change these three things – but most of you are not willing to make the minor effort required to get the results you want.
You want more sex? Be a better lover. I can’t believe most women refrain from having sex because their man won’t help with the dishes. Good sex is tantalizing – its something you can’t resist – no matter how irritated you are with your mate. Unfortunately, most guys don’t ever really learn how to properly arouse a woman – and that means first arousing her mind/thoughts and then arousing her body, giving her enough time to feel like she gets to enjoy it all. I used to have sex with my husband 2-3 times a DAY, until I realized that he was never going to graduate from quickies to real woman pleasin’ sex. If guys want alot of sex, then they need to be willing to take the time and the interest in learning how to please a woman.
Wish she’d stop talking so much? My first question is WHY? When you were dating her, I bet you stayed up into the wee hours of the morning talking. You didn’t mind it then, so why do you hate it now? She talks as much as she does because you are not making her feel loved and needed. Women don’t know how to deal with what they perceive as a problem without talking about it – we don’t just ignore something and assume it will resolve itself. If she’s being overly talky, then try to show her in other ways how much you love her, and how wonderful she is, and she will turn her talkative attention elsewhere.
Think she’s too critical? Ever notice how when people are “in love” they overlook each other’s shortcomings? We women tend to get more critical of our men as the relationship wears on because men stop trying to win their ladies’ hearts after they feel they’ve “got” them. If you want your gal to spend less time noticing your faults and more time admiring your great body and laughing at your funny jokes, then court her the way you did when you met her.
This has been rather educative as well as entertaining to me as amarried man. Keep it up.
Wow, this information is like informative. I have heard the men and woman side of things in ways of helping others that may be going through (or have gone through) the same things. In my case, and I really do need to get an understanding of this and why this does happen, my wife has gone through a Masectomy (due to Breast Cancer and is now gone after done with the Chemotherapy and Radiation) and the on top of the now she has the hot/cold chills, is always on the magnifying of everything that I have done or not done and she is in a bad mood and will not see anyone on this, feels that she is not going through the Menopause (rejecting it) and is critical in everyway to get me upset and that means no sex, no touching, sleeping in different rooms and many times, non talking at all (and me, as many has said, take it and move on and she will come out of it) and I am on the outside wondering what can I do to get her into the mood, get her to be happy about herself and everything else that goes with me getting back with her and being happy again. I have been married to her for 21 (almost 22 years April 08) and this is strange all of a sudden it stops and for what? My sister says, Emotionally disinterested”, what? Why me? Help me in trying to give me suggestions (except for cheating for this I will never do to her) and I feel that I have been more supportive in her things and still I get the bad side of things (even for the good things). I am getting older and this love thing (or need to be loved and accepted, it is hard work for me) and I take myself through the stage of being depressed, stressed, anxious and like left out. Please help. Please send me some more information in this matter and what I can do and what I should not attempt to do (to get her back at me). I am tellign you the truth (even hearing my side) but, that all that I get from her is that I do not want to move forward in life (I am settled and don’t want to loose more money in a business that does not look to be going anywhere and then get a big house for 1 person to pay for when we get older and I have treid my best to tell her not right now for we can’t afford it and she says that I do not have any faith). What is a man to do in this particular thing? HELP, please.
I can’t believe this horse puckey! This is all about women complaining about men! I call bullshit! Who do you think you all are? If you want to complain, then leave men alone and live your lives as you please. Why do you involve yourselves with men when you have such animosities toward them? Do you think your gender is beyond fault? Give me a break. I think women are the most devious and self inciting creatures on the planet! I”m sick and tired of women complaining about men, especially in a sexual reference. Go and live by yourselves, in an Amazon environment. All us men will be better off.