Comments on: Women’s Top Marriage Complaints – Demystified!

By: Nopain Nogain

Nopain Nogain — Fri, 16 Nov 2007 17:38:12 +0000

I found all of the postings to be very interesting. This goes out to the men (and if this fits you then maybe you should change). I have read all of the mens points, although some valid but, most of them or just plain selfishness on your part. If your wife ask you to do something how long will it take you to do it? Next men and women are suppose to be made equal. Why should your spouse Tell you what to do. Marriage is a partnership. Your co-worker don’t have to tell you how to do your job at work. housework is just that WORK, AND IT TAKES TWO to make it work. It does not take a rocket scientist to show you how to keep a house clean, Just do it. Figure out how to take care of the kids, buy food, etc. Go to the bookstore and buy books on how to if you need to. Stop blaming your spouse for your laziness, and unwilling to do better, because she did not tell you or ask you to do something.

Plain and simple just like you men get tired of nagging, and arguring. Women get tired and feed up with telling you the same things over and over again. (Grow up)

And to you men out there who is being the man your wife wants you to be, I say thank you.

Now, for you low life men who find reason or fault your wife for you reason of cheating, just because she did not wear a cute nighty to bed, where were you when she went to bed?
or for any other excuse for cheating, I say Stop it…… Stop blaming your spouse for sending you out to cheat. You should take that energy that you make up lie after lie to do more research on how to keep your wife happy. What you can do to put the spice back into the relationship. Use that energy to tell your wife your problems.

You men know exactly what you are doing. Why must you go and share your personal life with another women, instead of your wife. I bet you don’t go and tell your best male friend about what the problem is. You know full well by the time you tell your personal business to another women the two of you will be in bed faster than you can so no. Thats why you men do this.

Women, Stop falling for these tricks. Don’t listen to these type conversations. Tell him to talk it over with his wife. I guanrantee if he thinks that you are not interested he will not talk to you about that again. Women have respect for this other women feelings. You would not want your spouse to discuss your personal business with another women.

Men stop getting marriage to the first person you think that you fall in love with. You men are quick to fall in love with someone. Then you go through a little pain and you are ready to take a risk, or flight. If you are married take your vows seriously do the right thing, stick it out. Don’t leave the first time something happen. Learn how to work things out. The first sign of a little trouble you are gone.

Women take a heave to what is being said. If you are doing your part then strive on, but if you are not doing what you need to be doing then I suggest you do, because crying later won’t help!

By: Darlene

Darlene — Mon, 15 Oct 2007 19:23:54 +0000

My compaint is much different. I married the wrong person and have been married for 14 years now. When I first met my husband, I ignored several red flags that went up and I am paying for it to this day. My husband is not a bad guy, but he is very insecure and childlike. He is a definite Mama’s boy and has a hard time doing things for himself. He doesn’t have any friends because he thinks that if he has friends, that they might want to have sex with me. We live a very isolated life because of his insecurities. I have come to a point in my life now that I can’t wait for him to change. It’s been too long. I have tried all the things that are mentioned above, but have come to the realization that I don’t love him anymore. Too much time went by with night after night of no initiation of sex from him. I got tired of being the initiator many years ago. Sometimes I have to wonder if he’s gay. As long as there are men and women coming together in this world there will always be problems and conflict. But, chemistry plays a huge role in the equation. In my case, we just don’t blend. I am a much more ramantic, passionate person than my husband and feel inhibited when we are in the bedroom. I really can’t be who I want to be and it starts to tear down the very fabric of your being when you can’t express openly who you are. I think men need to learn how to “make love” to their wives and not just have sex. There is a huge difference! The moral of my story is that if you feel that it’s more that just who didn’t do this and who didn’t do that, then maybe it’s do we really belong together.

By: Steve

Steve — Thu, 04 Oct 2007 23:24:14 +0000

To those that commented on my posts. My point was that there are things both of us do, I only listed a few of the obvious ones that is usually done by the man. There are many more besides those (and I wish I only had to mow twice a month.. more like twice a week plus the other yard work and it gets cut when it needs it not when I want to do it.. but thats neither here nor there .. ).

I especially find it quite telling that some of women had to make comments saying that it does not compare to how much they do. Do you realize that you immediately minimized the contribution the man makes to the household? That lack of appreciation for what we do definitely will drive a man away and my guess is that if you are posting it here, your man also realizes you don’t appreciate him. I realize that my wife does a lot (although I think she goes way overboard on how much she cleans, etc.. why not clean a little less or make a simple dinner, or use paper plates, and have a little more time and energy for couple time?). Don’t get mad at him for not doing as much as you when you are doing more because ‘you’ ‘want’ to do more.

I also find it hard to believe that some of your husbands do nothing but earn 1/2 the households money. If that is the case, then you should kick him to the curb and move on with your life. But if you are witholding sex because you feel you are getting a bum rap on the household chores don’t be surprised when it turns out someone else decided to meet that need (and if he has normal testosterone levels, it is a ‘need’ not a ‘want’).

Personally I would take love making over a clean house any day of the week. I can’t say thats true for every man but if I can believe what I read in a great book “His needs, Her needs” it is true for most. Actually, if any women have read it, I would be interested in knowing if the author is right about their main needs? I have tried to be more attentive to the needs the author lists at top priorities for women and it does not seem to make any difference.

By: tera

tera — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 03:31:20 +0000

there is alot i have to say. my boyfriend and i have been together over eight years. we both have alot of differences. we get along, but we have our rough spots. its hard to work together sometimes when we dont see eye to eye. i have a very hard time dealing with his opinions on certain things. he says men see things in color, where women see it in black and white. he says why do women always gotta read into things and just except the answer for what it is. while me, the answer aint always right. there are reasons for everything. and sometimes the answers dont add up. i have an open mind, but it can be shut at anytime if my feelings get hurt or a belief. i believe that can go for anybody. i know i am not the only one out there. between the both of us he thinks i am unfair and i think that of him also. i have a hard time letting go of things, probaly if it happened once it can and possibaly happen again. even if it is said it wont happen again. action speaks louder than words. i am afraid of letting go of issues. i feel if i let go i am allowing it to happen again. if i dont let go i can control it happening again. i have a really hard time with issues.no i dont want control i want safety and security. when your broken its hard to get fixed again. i know ppl can say get over it , move on. but its really hard. i am fragile. the pieces cant be put together so easily. cause some pieces became shards and they peirce your heart no matter how good everything is or you may want them to be. it is still there. i have been hurt by several ppl in my life. past and current. i can love but not fully. i have been in counseling on and off, but it dont help. since i got a computer i like having advice from every aspect. i like getting advice ecspecially from the men, it helps me to listen and hear what they have to say. i have learned alot. see i try to get advice from my bf, but he can only speak for himself. i had a step grandfather who was always there for me but never explained the way men can be and what they do or how it is. i watched my grand parents when i grew up and they were secluded. i didnt start that way til i had kids. my bf said i changed, everything was wrong to me. which i can kinda see, i did. anything adult is and not really on my mind. yes we have great sex, but after that thats it. no more adult things, like going to a bar haven a few, going out with the girls, while he hangs with the guys. doing other things. he says i turn down alot of things. i am a mom and need to set examples to make and have good kids what kinda of person am i if i go out every so often. i feel they will lose the responsibilty if they grow up in enviroment like that. i have obligations so does he. i didnt make them by myself. it took two. i never ahd a family but my grandparents. they took care of me while my mom went to be with her friends. she really had nothing to do with me. does anybody know what kind of impact that makes on a child? his ma was the same way, but he sees differently on it then i do. there is more to it than that, but for now i wont get into it. guys, please, give us more detail on your opinions , thoughts and feelings. it sure would help us getting more insight on you and we could start thinking differently about things, but take in consideration on how we feel too. it will help you understand us more. cause i believe there are more (not to be mean) piggish men out there. what i mean is that no matter what there is no women worthy of you, you have a one track mind, and you always have sex on the brain. is there more to you than that? what makes you want your women more than others, even though you still have to look at other women? is your wife or gf just aplay thing til something better comes along? do you look for something better, even though you claim to truly love your wife? is it always TNA? have you ever looked at a women as a person instead of something you could possibaly breed with? is it possible to mature? men like there women conserivative, but still check out easy women and possibaly do more with them if the chance is still there. is that true? even when you love you so? are you strong enough to be seduced and not act on the offer? or do you like the thrill of it? what is it? what can we be to you? really, i am truly wanting to know. what is up with all of this?

By: Maria

Maria — Tue, 18 Sep 2007 02:37:46 +0000

Sara,
I am no expert and not even married long, but if you are beginning to really feel helpless maybe, if you can find time, you could get some counseling from someone who does singles and couples. Maybe if your counselor then required your husband come a few times as a part of it she/he could begin to help. I have a pair of friends who did this. He was insanely jealous but would not admit it was all unfounded. She went to someone mainly to try to get a second, unbiased professional opinion on how to handle it. The counselor said her husband needed to come in for at least 2 sessions so he could better help my friend. Her husband actually agreed to this, I think he was expecting to hear that she was flirtatious and needed to stop, but what he found out was speaking to a clients parent (she is a sports trainer), another trainer, or other business related adults that are male does not equal flirting. He actually was suppressing severe anxiety due to his 1st wife having cheated on him. They are doing much better now. I really think communication is key. My parents were great at this, as was I with them, yep a teenager and we actually managed to communicate!! Today my mom and I still talk very openly, even if the voices rise some of the time. I try very hard to be honest and open with my husband, I have never pretended to be anything other than who I am, take me or leave me I am what I am I am pretty ok say my hubby and my friends so I guess I am allowed I pray you can find a way to bring communication into your home.

Eva,
did you know they make hormone free IUD now that are said to be as effective as the pill? They are a little pricey, but if you plan for no kids in the next 5 years it pays of. My friend is on one for 1 yr now and no accidents, and she is very “active” with her hubby.

Michael,
I agree!! I always encourage people to learn. My father died on my 20th birthday. I was still living at home and stayed at home to be there for my mom. I became the “handy woman” in the house at the same time I just began my farm so I was doing a lot and learning a lot around there, like fixing 16 ft fences by myself, laying water lines, wiring etc. My husband actually got teased because as my boyfriend for my 1st Christmas with him I asked for a scroll saw. This year I want a miter saw. I can also cook a great meal, it’s the cleaning up after I hate but I do it. I suppose I am a little bit workaholic, I have my Phd in addition to all this, I can not seem to get enough!! My husband has helped teach me to chill a little, to sit on the beach or by a lake and just “be”. Anyway, I am a worker and a teacher so I am always trying to get others to expand their horizons, to to their best plus some, and to get past labels and find out what they as individuals excel at. I figure the world needs more “characters” anyway.

By: Toni

Toni — Mon, 17 Sep 2007 19:13:48 +0000

To Eva, Is college more important to you than your marriage? It is obviously creating a significant amount of stress so if your marriage is important to you, either drop out for now, or cut back on the amount of hours you are taking. Your husband & your son need you.
No wonder you aren’t feeling close to one another if you haven’t had sex for a year! That must be resolved immediately. I was never able to use birth control pills due to the risk of blood clots in the legs, where I have terrible veins, but husband has never used condoms either. First we used foam, then used the rythm method where you learn to recognize when you are ovulating & obstain, then he had a vasectomy when we’d had all the children we wanted. Now I must admit that our sex life improved tremendously when I didn’t have to be concerned about getting pregnant, but I’ve never once denied his advances, & we’ve been married now for 28 years. If your husband is going through a crisis, it’s due to the lack of sexual relations with you! And even though he agreed to college, he probably had no idea that it would separate you so much from the family. Expecting things to suddenly change for the better when you aren’t willing to make any changes is stupid! Wake up & save your marriage while you can!

By: Elizabeth

Elizabeth — Sun, 16 Sep 2007 23:56:54 +0000

Dear Steve:

I take both of our cars to have the oil changed, about once every 3 months. I mow the lawn every other weekend. I am also the person who washes the cars, does all the minor repairs, deals with all the repairmen for major repairs, has the gutters cleaned, pays the bills, manages the budget, deals with the accountant.

I also make sure there’s a jack, jumper cables and fix-a-flat in the trunk of his car. I am hard pressed to think of a manly or womanly task around my house that isn’t my responsibility. He makes the money, that’s it.

Don’t be so glib and presumptuous.

By: Sarah

Sarah — Sun, 16 Sep 2007 03:35:00 +0000

vazmataz – what about a woman who could have sex twice a day. that’s me. my husband just isn’t in the mood or has too much on his mind or is sleepy or doesn’t feel like it. i feel like the guy here.

By: Eva

Eva — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 23:42:31 +0000

Also, I forgot to add that we have not been intimate in an entire year. I have a heart condition that I am taking meds for, so my heart doc told me not to take birth control pills because of the hormones. My husband complains that we never have sex, but he WON’T wear a condom when we have the chance. I don’t want to get pregnant again…I can’t because of my heart condition, but he won’t wear a condom because he says he can’t feel anything. So we argue about that constantly too.
I’m only 24. I shouldn’t have to deal with all this stress. He is 32, and I think he is going through a mid life crisis.
He is driving me to think impure thoughts about my fellow co-workers, and I am so sexually frusterated that I might just act on those thoughts even though all of my morals are very against adultry. What would any of you do?

By: Eva

Eva — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 23:33:53 +0000

I don’t understand this at all. I am on the verge of a divorce because of the actions of my husband.
First of all, I am going to college to earn my degree full-time, and I work part-time. So, not only do I work to provide what I can for my husband and 2 year old son, but I am trying to earn my degree to make our lives better. School means studying and homework, right?
Well, my husband told me that he supports me 100% on going back to school to get my degree, but he is always trying to argue with me while I am doing my homework. If I go to the library or on campus to do my homework, I have to listen to him go on and on about how he thinks I’m cheating on him when I get home. Every second I am home, he is always complaining about something. I have tried so many times to discuss things with him, but he will not listen and is always finding me at fault, no matter what I do or say.
He says he has no time alone…but I also have to remind him that I don’t either, but according to him, that does not matter because at least I don’t have to deal with a child in the terrible twos. True, but I do have to deal with nagging bosses, and wrapping my brain around 300 level college courses every waking moment. So, as SOON as I get home, I have to get my son or he will have a nervous breakdown. I have no time alone, no time to myself, and NO time to relax. EVERY moment that I am at home, I am getting bitched at for everything.
This is just the tip of the iceberg. We have only been ,married for 2 years, and I already want OUT! He is pushing me away, but he thinks that by arguing with me all the time that he is trying to mend things.
WHERE DID I GO WRONG HERE?