Right or Married?
Click here to listen to your Marriage Minute with Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott
More Thoughts From the Parrotts
The next time you are experiencing tension in your relationship, try this approach:
Next, cultivate a win-win attitude. In other words, seek to understand your partner’s perspective before you try to “prove your case.” Too many spouses become instant attorneys when it comes to marital conflict, trying to convince an invisible jury that they have been treated unjustly and their partners should be found guilty. Don’t fall for this destructive fallacy. Instead, put yourself in your partner’s shoes and truly try to see the world from his or her perspective. In fighting fair, the point is not to prove your partner wrong and win; the goal is to understand one another so your marriage wins.
(7 votes, average: 5 out of 5)
Loading …Tags: Communication, Conflict, For Women
4 Responses to “Right or Married?”
Leave a Reply
It is true that communication is so very important. And really the “best” is to be face to face so that there is a small chance that something would be taken incorrectly. With my husband deployed it has made this a larger challenge having to deal with miscommunications via phone or eletronics, IM’s and even emails. There just is not the chance to “hear” what the other is saying.
It is best to be able to try to see the situation from the other’s perspective. I try my very best to do that as much as I possibly can. Like I am able to sense especially when my husband is tired and has had a long day. I know that I know that lots of times this is NOT the time to try to figure something stressful out. I still do get hurt lots of times when he does verbally take out his anger and frustration with me but then I also do what I can to remind myself that he is not feeling good right now, that he is tired, has had a really bad day at work, and really just needs the time to unwind and to go to bed! I have in the past “put my foot down” when it came to bedtime. I knew that things were tender and he was saying I really need to get to bed…but then right before he and I sign off on IM at one point he says he wants to get back in touch again later. I know he has said he is tired and needs to get to bed and he has in the past complained about staying up too late while at work on his deployment and I can remember one time when I put my foot down and said no mister it is your bedtime! I love you immensely much. And I will not get back on with you again later you need to get to bed babe! I love you too much to let you lose sleep when I know you really want to get to bed. It seemed to do the job I checked on him later as I can tell on msn if he is online or not and I did not see his “guy” online it was offline. I know this for sure because he rarely uses the show offline when he is not really offline.
So I guess to some degree it can take some “spine” on my end too. I am normally one that really doesn’t do that very often. But we have gotten into some terrible fights before when he was not really in the best shape to be talking about something and when my feelings were hurt over something small I know this is not a good time and that he needs his rest.
For decades now counselors have been hammering on the importance of ‘good communication skills’ in marriage. Of course, that is essential for ANY relationship. But you can be the best communicators, and fully understand your partner, and still not AGREE on how to run the house or how to spend your leisure time or whatever. This requires NEGOTIATION skills—not communication skills—and it becomes problematic whenever the more dominant or assertive partner habitually “gets his/her way” and the more passive partner habitually “caves in” to “keep the peace” but by doing so “loses his/her own soul.” Such conflicts cannot simply be decided by some principle of “submission” based on gender (i.e., “the head of the house” paradigm). There needs to be some method of negotiation by which the passive, less assertive partner’s preferences are not just heard, but honored. In short, good communication is no guarantee of agreement.
COMMUNICATION WELL BE IN PORTANT IN ONES LIFE OF MARRAGIE SOONER OR LATER MEANING EVEN AFTER THE MARRAIGE IS DONE ,FOR WE ALL WILL WANT PEACE IN OR LIFE SOONER OR LATER FOR ME THE SOONER . AM I HELPING YOUR WEB SITE OR AM I GIVING YOU THE RIGHT ANSWERS YOU WANT TO HEAR. SO TELL ME WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU TWO.
I think that when it comes to conflict we need to humble ourselves, listen with our hearts what our partner is saying, and then speak out of our own hearts, what we feel, but with out saying, “you make me feel” but rather, “I feel this when —-happens. this way we keep the defensiveness down. we then can hear better. And something else to watch out for, Satan weather one believes or not makes no difference, He and his bunch set traps for us to fall into strife, confusion, he’s all about division, but God is all about unity, therefore if we will make the choice that we will work to keep the unity will can do much better, and the Bible says that where there is unity God comands a blessing.