Comments on: September Question: What are the best ways to get your spouse to do something you want?

By: Steve

Steve — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 13:02:39 +0000

Reading all the below comments they sound encouraging. But how can you make you wife perform that very basic resposibility e.g washing cloths, waking up in morning to prepare breakfast for you, put cloths where the are suppose to be after laundry? my wife does not do all these things yet she expect me to be good to her by buying gifts, take her for a dinner etc etc and when I do not do that they is no complete intimacy as a punnishment, and when I initiate a dialogue she does not cooperate. Now I feel it is as if am nagging her yet from my deep heart i truely love her with my daughter and therefore it is very hard to call it quit. Please can somebody Assist, we have already gone to a councellor but when it come for us to go for a second session she refused to go.

By: Terrie

Terrie — Tue, 16 Oct 2007 03:14:30 +0000

I’ve been married for 18 yrs. my husband travels every week for a living and not as a truck driver. So getting him to do things has been tough since he’s only home one or two days a week. So I keep the to do list small and if he just flat out refuses then I spend his money to get the job done. He doesn’t complain when he is not the one doing it. I also give him time to do the things he likes, so he doesn’t feel like he’s working all the time. I also try to show my appreciation for his work.

By: Jeffrey

Jeffrey — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 07:46:57 +0000

I agree with some of the things that Mark has written. It is hard to understand the woman you promised to have and hold the rest of your life. There are mood swings and a number of other things that spoil the relationship. I am also in a tough relationship. My wife always wants to have things done her way and in her time. There is lack of understanding and love. I have not been able to get my spouse to wear the clothes that I like to see on her, or try something new when it comes to sex. I have had to begin to raise my voice and get things done because of her stubbornness. Actually we both need help to improve this relationship.

By: RENEE

RENEE — Mon, 17 Sep 2007 03:53:41 +0000

I DO NOT KNOW I DO NOT THINK I ASKED HIM TO DO ANYTHING BECAUSE I KNEW MY ANSWER BEFORE I ASKED ,I HONESTLY BELEIVE MY MARRAIGE ENDED BEFORE IT STARTED. OUR MARRAIGE NEVER HAD A CHANCE (WELL I NEVER HAD A CHANCE) HE HAS NO IDEA WHAT HE HAS MISSED OUT ON DO TO HIS CONSTINT LIEING .

By: Traci H

Traci H — Sat, 15 Sep 2007 15:41:20 +0000

speak his/her love language.

By: C

Sat, 15 Sep 2007 04:28:43 +0000

My husband and I work full time jobs, but it is left up to me to make sure the house work is done and the kids are taken care of. He pays the bills and helps cook dinner every now and then. I have learned if his needs are taken care of he will take care of mine and vise versa. It wasn’t always this way, it took 13 years for us to get on the same page and counseling, but it was well worth it. When he knows I’ve put him first throughout the week, he doesn’t let that go un-noticed. And yes, there are times I struggle being the “good wife”, but even if he makes me mad I still make myself do what I know God would have me do. I’m not saying I am always the “good wife”, but I know when I do what I am suppose to do according to God’s word, we are much happier. And when he does what he’s suppose to do, I know I am much more willing to do more for him.

By: Mark

Mark — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 21:02:36 +0000

Most women and some men will not like what I am going to say, but it still bears stating! People seem to forget that men and women have very opposite basic needs and desires, for instance:
1. Most Women want just One (1) Man to be their Everything in this Life! Right?
2. Most Men, want All Women to be Just One (1) Thing for Them! Duh! That’s how we are built…to impregnate as many women as possible. We have to “train” ourselves to only cling to one woman….and a lot of us can and do chose to be your only one and to be your only one …..then we figure this is enough of a sacrifice…and we’ll tell you if that changes!
Men have been extremely abused by certain public sectors; whether it has been the feminist movement, or all the movies and television shows, ALL men are shown as bumbling dummy’s! What has happened is that men have ALLOWED these entities and others to destroy their manhood, and what we have left is a majority of Jerks, Whimps, and Homosexuals! There are not enough GOOD MEN left, those who still have their Balls intact, to go around for all the Women who still think they want a man who has “gotten in touch with his feminine side!!!” You can’t have it both ways! If you want a real man, then you have to understand: He wants what he wants, and you want what you want. Be very careful! Don’t cut off his balls just to get flowers at odd times!
Most men have absolutely NO idea what women want, why they want it, when they want it, and how much they want of anything; and we’ll never understand even a little bit of what motivates our women! But, most REAL men absolutely appreciate having a conversation with a REAL woman, where she is able to TELL us what she wants so that we can do for her, make her happy, solve her problem, and come to a good conclusion!
Careful; if you withhold sex for more than a few days…heavens forbid it’s been a week….he’ll begin looking for someone else…..that’s how the good Lord programmed him….if he doesn’t begin looking in a week, then he’s probably not a REAL man! When we fall in love with you, we have to really, really, bear down on our selves to train ourselves NOT to want another women. It is very hard. Many are not successful! Knowing this should help you; but I would imagine by this time that I have lost most of you!
Most REAL women KNOW what a REAL man wants…they just decide at some point that they’re not going to GIVE it unless their man becomes something less than a man!

By: Sheri

Sheri — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 01:56:11 +0000

I think the best way to get my husband to do something that he doesn’t want to do is to ask him in a non-threatening manner while letting him know how much his participation and/or helping out (depending on what the activity is) will mean to me. We use a love bank to describe what something means to us that the other one does.

By: Gina

Gina — Thu, 13 Sep 2007 23:32:55 +0000

For chores – First I think of something else that needs to be done that he doesn’t neccessarily like to do, and I say, “I need your help. Can you bathe the baby while I wash the dishes?” Then he usually choses to wash the dishes. (I’d rather bathe the baby anyway.) It always works and he is happy to help! …no nagging involved.

For activities – For example – I say, “Wouldn’t it be fun to go shopping?” He usually says, “I’ll watch the kids and you can go.” This is great. And if he decides to go we get to spend time together and we can take care of the kids together.

For sex – I don’t just come out and ask him. That never works. I do something sexy like shave and ask him to feel how soft my legs are. Then he takes over from there.

For the most part, I do not think of it as trying to make him do what I want. I think of it as doing what I want, and if he wants to join me that’s great. If he doesn’t want to join me then he just doesn’t want to. I don’t force the issue or take it personally.

By: Teriann

Teriann — Thu, 13 Sep 2007 17:26:07 +0000

The best way is to start on my own and when he sees I am determined to get it done-he pitches in and then takes over the job. Works every time!